We're taking bets that I knew there was good news this week...

So, I wrote about a major tragedy a few days ago. I now at least a few of you teared up. A couple of you may have straight out bawled. Well I have some great news for all you beer drinkers. Beer may be the fountain of youth. Thank God for the Germans who just like Americans spend their time researching stupid things and come up with great results. Here is the story - Beer = Anti-Aging?

The one funny thing that I saw in the entire article was the fact that the company needed to say please be advised there is alcohol in this product. Duh. It isn't called milk. They probably should also say if you drink too much you might get drunk. Just a thought.

I hope everyone is doing well. Talk to you all soon.

WTBT Volume 13

We're taking bets that...

* Tara Reid's new nickname should be "Nipple" after her showing at P. Diddy's Party. (Sorry Shaun Phelan you will have to give the nickname up.)
* the Red Sox HAVE TO sign Jason Varitek in order to be a competitive team again next year.
* you cannot beat ABC's Monday Night Football intro with Nicollette Sheridan and T.O. That was pure entertainment.
* if you don't read The Sports Guy on a regular basis you are really missing out not only on great sports talk but fun pop culture talk - Past & Present.
* Anna Nicole Smith is becoming your favorite TV drunk. The American Music Awards may have put them over the top.
* it is time for Evander Holyfield to retire. Give it up buddy you are making your career seem weak by hanging on and losing badly.
* it's a vicious cycle.
* Lebron is the legit heir to Jordan's throne.
* Colin Powell was a good Secretary of State, but he was no Madeline Albright.
* there is something very appalling about this story. Virgin Mary Sandwich
* Kobe is going to start missing Shaq very soon.
* Star Jones is a freak and her husband is in for a rough time.
* Big Ben is going to make it tough for the New England Patriots to repeat as Super Bowl Champions.
* the Frog Pond is open for business in Boston and if you are looking for something fun to do you can't beat skating there.
* UML Hockey is going to make a ton of noise in the Hockey East before this season is over.
* you don't want to get sick in NYC now that David Lee Roth is training to be a paramedic there. * Barry Bonds is the best overall player ever and it doesn't matter what happens with BALCO.
* it is upsetting that Lindsay Lohan probably broke Fez's heart, but at least they are still friends.
* Pedro Martinez in a Yankee uniform is not a good thing.
* with Disney starting production on Toy Story 3 we have reached the point of no more good ideas.

We're taking bets that there are not many stories more upsetting...

I can barely type. I can't believe that this happened. It is such a tragedy. It is much worse than Vice-President Cheney having shortness of breath. There are not many things in this world that can bring tears to my eyes like this. Please be careful when reading. If you are under 21 you may not want to read it.

Major Tragedy

:)

We're taking bets that MTV's Battle of the Sexes has it right...

We have way too much violence and war in the world. I don't think that anyone can really debate this fact, except for maybe GWB's friends who own defense contracts. I think that I have found a fair way to solve all conflicts and all I had to do was watch TV. :)

Every single day MTV shows the Real World vs. Road Rules Battle of the Sexes. A bunch of contestants from past shows compete in inane activities that anyone can win. Most of the activities are a little humiliating and that makes it all the more fun. This past week each group had to make a boat out of a bunch of items that were referred to as junk. I don't know how my PVC pipe and Styrofoam you have laying around your house, but it was junk to them. The women inexplicably beat the men because well the men were idiots. By the way everyone is scantily clad in every episode with boob jobs and asses hanging out everywhere.

I think that this would be a great way to solve issues in the world. Just think the Iraqis would pick their top 15 leaders and the United States would have picked ours. They would then compete in 9 events and each week the team would vote off the weakest link. Then the remaining 6 on each team would compete in some sort of obstacle course to determine the winner. I also think there could be some trivia to shave off some of your time at the beginning. We could film it and it would also be a hit TV show. Can't you imagine Dick Cheney trying to backstab Colin Powell just so he could be there in the last round? I also could see Johnny Mosely as host telling Saddam Hussein that the Iraqis got a penalty for breaking the rules. Oh the fun.

It would be so much more entertaining and a lot less violent than our current system. I think that I am going to pitch it to that Bunim guy who came up with The Real World and Road Rules. If anyone can make it happen I think he could. Either that or we could start some sort of internet campaign to make it happen. Anyway, give me a shout or just say hi.

We're taking bets that it is about time a Hispanic got a high ranking post...

Being 1/2 Hispanic it makes me very happy that George W. Bush chose Alberto Gonzales as John Ashcroft's successor. Gonzo (as I heard his friends call him though Berty may also be a nickname) may not be the best choice and he has a ton of ACLU things to answer for, but he may be alright. Yes you have heard me right I am applauding GWB and one of his decisions. Now I am sure there will be some small scandal associated with Gonzo, such as hiring illegal Dutch immigrants as housekeepers or sleeping with a white woman. You know all of the bad things that he may have done. :) You have to figure that there is some way that "THE MAN" is going to try and hold him down. He's just got to keep on moving. Most Hispanics are wily that way. I think he will get appointed. Go Gonzo!!! I have faith in you!!! For Hispanics across this nation I salute you.

(Please do not take this entirely seriously. It is satire & I think it is funny. If you don't that is your problem.)

We're taking bets that editorials are fun...

So I wrote an editorial a few days after the Red Sox won the World Series. It was in response to the Lowell Police Chief wanting people that were identified as troublemakers to be expelled from the University. Since the World Series was two weeks ago I figured it not going to get into the paper. Well, in the Sunday my editorial was printed. Now I need to worry that I could get in trouble with the University because I may not have been supportive of the city. Hopefully it won't get me reprimanded. Read the editorial and give me your comments.

GMAD Reprimanded Police Chief

WTBT Volume Twelve

We're taking bets that...

* the New England Patriots may be creative enough to have started another 11 game win streak.
* The Incredibles is spectacular and Disney better get on the ball to sign a contract with Pixar.
* even if you hate the Pittsburgh Steelers you have to be impressed with their recent accomplishments.
* R. Kelly gets crazier as time goes by and he may challenge Michael Jackson with craziness by the time his career is over.
* Jude Law is a great actor who will never be able to carry a movie by himself.
* no one will really care about the NBA season until after Christmas.
* this guy needs to get a grip. Man Holds Special Olympics Bus Hostage
* if David Ortiz keeps hitting home runs like he did in Japan the American League better look out.
* UMass Lowell is the place to be if you want to succeed in NCAA Division 2 athletics.
* the only word for this story is DISGUSTING!!!
* the NHL All-Star game has been cancelled and you still don't care.
* the one positive out of the election is that Jon Stewart will have tons of great material for the next four years.
* the UCONN Husky women can do it again this year in women's NCAA basketball.
* you are extremely excited that you have new Simpsons episodes for the rest of year on Sunday nights.

We're taking bets that the littlest things can make you happy...

This is a simple blog, but I just wanted to tell you three things I heard this week that made me happy the last few weeks. You may not get the context, but they made me happy.

"My boobs feel really big."

"He was just saying those things to impress me."

"She knows the ins and outs of sex toys."

They may not be funny to you, but I am sure you can find ways to make them funny. Everyone needs to look for the humor in life. Things are said everyday that are absolutely hilarious or at the very least make you smile. Listen carefully to others because you never know when you could get an opportunity to smile.

We're taking bets that voting still mattered...

So George W. Bush (GWB) won the election in case any of you did not know. For me this is a small tragedy, but I will get over it and hope that in four years we will get a Democrat into the White House or maybe even a Republican that I like. I want to just remind everyone that your vote still mattered even if you didn't like the outcome.

It is funny though that so many more people got out to vote this year and that was supposed to be so beneficial for Kerry. It is kind of like being told that if you smile at everyone you will have more sex. So everyone goes out the next day smiling like a fool and most people don't have more sex. Basically it was beneficial for the country to have over 110 million people vote, but on a whole we didn't get a ton out of it. Though I guess that is hypocritical because your vote was your voice, so you were able to express yourself. I just hope that 110 million people vote next November even if it is not a presidential election. Your vote does matter no matter what you think.

We're taking bets that voting doesn't get much more ghetto than in Lowell, MA...

So I voted today in Lowell, MA. It was quite an experience as I voted in the Masonic Center near the Lowell Police Station. It was held in a big room with 4 tables, a built by High School Wood Shop voting boxes, and two voting machines. White women were everywhere running the show, which I think is funny because we have a high Cambodian and Hispanic population. These women were dressed like they were going to a football game and not like they were election officials. (They were all very nice, but I expected more like when I voted in Boston and everyone was dressed up.)

I gave my name to the nice ladies and they handed me an enormous ballot that had to be at least 11x17 (though I think it was bigger) and a Sharpie with no cap. (So I didn't steal it I guess) I went over to the voting area (imagine study cubicles in a library) and filled in the boxes. I did vote all Democrat, but in my defense there were only 3 races where I could actually decide and 3 races uncontested that were all Democrats. I then gave my name to another lady. She could not find my name in her enormous book of voters in Ward 2 Precinct 1. I showed her my ID and she didn't care to look at it, but just wanted to know what street I lived on. She finally was able to find it as she was looking at the wrong street number and couldn't find my name. I was then instructed to put the ballot in a big machine that I think could also guess your birthday and weight.

That was pretty much it. Then there was a lady outside bitching about how she was asked if she was a first time voter. She thought it was completely inappropriate and none of their "Damn Freaking" business. Thankfully no one asked me an inappropriate question because I would not have been prepared for that. I might have resorted to Jon Stewart tactics and called the person a "dick".

Hopefully we in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts will not experience any of the voter fraud that they will inevitably have in Ohio, Wisconsin and/or Florida. Though as I saw it definitely could be a possibility here in Lowell. Anyway, you have 12 more hours in the East... GET OUT AND VOTE!!!

We're taking bets that it is time to get out and vote...

Tomorrow is election day in the United States. The President of the United States will be decided tomorrow. It is being called the most important election ever. To be quite honest how will anyone know that until many years later?

I know that many of you think that voting is like getting a polio shot... it doesn't really matter anymore no one has polio. I believe that to be completely false. It allows you to be able to bitch and complain about the way things are. If you don't vote I don't want to hear one single word from you about the state of the union. You missed your opportunity to have the biggest part of free speech you can have. Now you need to shut your mouth for the next four years.

So I don't care if you are in a swing state or not, wealthy or poor, a Democrat or Republican... GET OUT AND VOTE TOMORROW!!!

WTBT - WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP EDITION!!!

We're taking bets that...

* you can't wait to start a "2000" chant at the next Red Sox-Yankee game.
* this Red Sox euphoria will be with me for months to come.
* Adam Sandler is going to surprise you in his next movie "Spanglish".
* you were shocked when you found out that Johnny Damon gets groomed in Lowell, MA.
* you just want Election 2004 to be over.
* a Mother's Love will go to the ends of the earth as witnessed in this quote after her son was arrested during the Red Sox celebration in Boston... "Matthew wasn't drunk," said his mother, Elizabeth Wuthrick. "He wasn't obstreperous. He was just trying to get out of the way. ... He loves the Red Sox, like the rest of the city of Boston. He's a very nice boy. He didn't do anything. He didn't even talk back to them." How does she know? I am sure she wasn't there.
* if you think traffic during the DNC in Boston was crazy just wait until Saturday.
* Dante Culpepper is going to cool off the next 3 weeks and just be an ordinary Quarterback.
* Dane Cook is the man plus he saw the Red Sox sweep. Read his story... Sox Sweep
* you hate that stupid Nike commercial that goes from 1918 to 2004.
* the Boston Celtics are going to be a lot better than people think.
* Katie Couric took a step back in her dating life by hooking up with Jazz Trumpeter Chris Botti after dropping Boston Red Sox owner Tom Werner.
* if you have a sick sense of humor then you are going to love Drawn Together on Comedy Central 10:30 p.m. on Wednesday nights.
* the Lowell Police Chief is crazy. Especially after you read this article. Crazy Police Chief wants Expulsions
* if your business sells Red Sox merchandise you are going to have a great holiday.
* you are rooting for Boise St. to go undefeated this season in College Football.
* it is pretty amazing when you and your twin can get perfect 1,600's on your SAT's. It happened in Long Beach, NY.
* Halloween in New England is going to be tame compared to all of the celebrations we have done the last two weeks.
* you are wondering about all of the Red Sox free agents and if they can repeat next year.
* I still think I am dreaming. Hopefully no one will ever wake me up. :)

We're taking bets that words can't even begin to describe...

I am sitting quietly typing this with tears in my eyes. Tears of joy!!! I am not sure I still believe it. I keep expecting to be woken up with Bobby Ewing taking a shower in my bathroom. (Old reference - Sorry) If it is a dream I never want to be woken up.

I am so happy for so many people.

- I am most happy for my Dad who waited 53 years to see the Red Sox win. (I know he is 58 but I figure he wasn't quite sure what was happening with the Red Sox his first 5 years.)
- I am happy for my boy Dan McLaughlin who I refused to return phone calls because I thought I would jinx them winning. (Sorry Dan I will be calling you in the next 24 hours.)
- I am happy for my brother Rob who won't go through his twenties like I did hoping and praying, but continually getting disappointed. It probably took 10 years off the end of my life, but at least he will have them.
- I am happy for my late Uncle Joe, who died in 1989. I watched many games with him as a kid and I know he is smiling from above.
- I am happy for me. Because I feel at peace right now and there isn't any feeling that is better.

We're taking bets that kids are awesome...

So tonight I went to the Fundraiser/Presentation for Kid for a Cure at UMass Lowell. Kids for a Cure is an organization started by middle schoolers at the McCarthy School of Chelmsford, MA. They raise money for breast and ovarian cancer and over the last two years have raised over $13,000. All of the students have been affect by cancer in one way or another.

It is amazing how socially active that kids can be. When most middle schoolers are worried about if they have a zit or if a member of the opposite sex is going to talk to them these girls are working on fundraisers for cancer research. It is absolutely incredible and very humbling when you think how much all of us complain about our lives when we really should be happy and do stuff for others.

Shoutout to Sara Strauhal for putting together an awesome program. You are the best!!!

We're taking bets that there is a teenage pop star conspiracy...

This edition is in two parts with two Headlines & a Wrap-up on the Recent Conspiracy. :)

We're taking bets that Ashlee should embrace the "Shadow" now...

Scandalous is the only word that I can think of to describe Ashlee Simpson's lip-syncing on SNL. How could she? Her dad said she had acid reflux and it made her voice hoarse. First off did I need to know that? EEEWWW! Secondly, isn't a hoarse voice is her bread and butter. She doesn't have a voice like say another Simpson. She might have become the girl version of Milli Vanilli.

Now I am going to have to burn my posters and get my "Ashlee Forever" tatoo removed. Now millions of girls who once lived in their sisters shadows but got some hope from Ashlee will have to go back to being second. Say it is so Joe Simpson!!!

We're taking bets that Herbie makes Lindsay sick...

Lindsay Lohan was sent to the Hospital with a temperature of over 103 degrees. She was currently filming the remake of Herbie. It was thought to maybe be the flu, but doctors were not quite sure yet. Filming has been halted on both her movie and her guest appearance on That 70's Show which stars her boyfriend Fez.

CONSPIRACY??? Where the heck has Hilary Duff been during all of this? Two of her biggest competitors get acid reflux and the flu. This cannot be a coincidence. I think there should be an investigation. I think that it is very convenient that Brittany Spears decided to take a "break" at the same time these obvious tragedies have struck. These are just some thoughts I have, but it must be investigated. :)

WTBT - WORLD SERIES EDITION PART 2!!!

We're taking bets that...

* the best thing about Fox's TV crew is the fact that they don't have Al Leiter in the booth anymore.
* Jerry Rice has turned from the best player ever in the NFL to a big cry baby. Just ask Steve Largent who unretired his number so Jerry could wear it in Seattle.
* you are just waiting for The OC to start after the World Series.
* 6-4 should be the score of a baseball game not a college football game of Iowa vs. Penn State.
* it was sad that a girl died during the melee after game 7. Maybe the police should have just let people have some fun and not go shooting people.
* you had no clue that Brazil had a space program, but they do and they launched their first rocket into space.
* Manny Rameriz couldn't have looked worse trying to catch that fly ball. Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds could have done a better job.
* the Purdue Boilermakers went from a BCS contender to a flop with just two fumbles.
* Ben Affleck may not survive the rest of his acting career with this latest awful movie.
* if you carve your Halloween Pumpkin to look like Johnny Damon you have problems.
* there are better ways to transport your animals like in the back of a Yugo. Pony Abuse
* it is a little ridiculous that school systems are banning Halloween festivities because it gets in the way of learning. How about a little bit of fun in School?
* if you say Mientkiewicz three times fast you might get a headache.
* William Shatner has a new album out and under no circumstances should anyone buy it.
* although Randy Moss gets a lot of bad press he is a great wide receiver and it will be a shame if he misses his first game ever with an injury this week.
* Shrek was never meant to be on Broadway.
* you gotta love it when Pokey Reese get put into the game.

WTBT - WORLD SERIES EDITION!!!

We're taking bets that...

* most of you thought the Red Sox beating the Yankees to go to the World Series would never come.
* IT DID!!!
* Mary Kate Olsen is going to be in trouble for the rest of her life just like the bad Milli Vanilli guy.
* Mark Bellhorn may have been great the last two games but everyone would rather Pokey Reese in at second base.
* it is amazing that the Patriots 20 game win streak is back page news in Boston.
* if you are going to kill a mouse you shouldn't use a gun. (Guy shoots Girlfriend trying to kill a mouse.)
* you are tired of hearing Tim McCarver's stupid commentary on Fox.
* a walk is never as good as a Home Run except in Tim McCarver's bizarro world.
* Staff Sgt. "Chip" deserved everyone of the eight years he got for prison abuse.
* Jon Stewart is one funny MFer and he got away with calling a guy a "dick" on television. YOU THE MAN JON STEWART.
* Terry Francona really scares you when he starts rocking in the dugout. He reminds me a little bit of Billy Bob Thorton in SlingBlade.
* David Ortiz may look like Shrek, but Shrek can't hit home runs like he can.
* since Britney Spears has led such a hard life she deserves to take a break and "chill".
* you secretly like ABC's "Desparate Housewives".
* throwing glass bottles at police officers in riot gear is a stupid thing to do.
* it is awesome to hear a rowdy crowd sing Take Me Out to the Ballgame at 1 am.
* away messages can be evil and start more freaking problems.
* I was starting to think there would never be a World Series edition of this column.
* it is fun giving Yankee fans shit, but I actually think they finally get all the pain we have experienced over the years. I almost feel sorry for them. NOT!!!
* Saw looks like a completely fucked up and scary movie.
* you really don't care if it is the Cards or Astros as long as the Red Sox win.
* the election is getting closer and closer and you have no clue who is going to be the president for the next four years.
* you can't wait for Shrek 2 to be out on DVD.
* sometimes getting blocked on IM can be hurtful.
* the Yankees will now always be mentioned as the biggest choke artists ever.
* I know you are reading this and enjoying it. So say hi.
* you can't figure out what people did before the flu vaccine, but senior citzens may start kicking everyone's ass if we don't get more.
* it is going to be a lot more sleepless nights for Boston Fans!!!

We're taking bets that chaos is fun...

So the Red Sox won yet again!!! Yes I did get to see it this time. :) Then I had to deal with 20 Lowell Police Officers, 5 UMass Lowell Police Officers and 4 fire Trucks with tons of Firemen. You might ask me why this occurred. Well people decided it would be fun to pull fire alarms in two of our buildings. I don't really want to talk about that stupidity though.

I want to talk about how I think that I actually have fun during the chaos that has been going on lately. It has been relatively controlled from my standards. Most people who don't do this job would probably think it is crazy, but it is not really. It makes life so much more fun. How often do you get an angry police officer to say, "I don't know where you basement is!"? Which is perhaps one of the funniest responses to this statement - "Officer I have a real fire alarm going off in my buildings basement."

My comfortability with chaos must come with the fact that I laugh at life so often who really cares that chaos is going on. I salute everyone in Fox Hall and at UML that have made all of our chaos go smoothly. Special shoutout to Jon aka Vic aka ARD Ops Extraordinaire who loves the chaos with me. :)

We're taking bets that it was another wild night...

So the Sox did it again!!! It really is amazing that I missed the ending. :( Oh yes we had a flood once again here in my 18 Story Ark. Noah would be proud that we try to save people's stuff two by two.

We actually didn't have that much ruined stuff this time. My staff is absolutely awesome and it truly was a team effort with the residents of the floor. It is amazing how quickly people come together in times of trouble. I wonder if it is like that because of 9/11 or it has always been like that but you just don't get to see it often. God Bless Fox Hall!!!

David Ortiz is now my new hero at least. I know that the Sox are just giving us all hope so that we can be crushed in the end, but it is fun. At least tonight was not as late as yesterday. Hopefully Katie Couric will get some sleep because yesterday morning she said it was Friday and not Monday. At least the best people in the world make mistakes. Like all the New Yorkers who chose to be Yankee fans. TOM MOCCIA AKA HUGE YANKEE FAN I MISS YA BUDDY!!! I Hope it is as fun in CA as it here in the Northeast.

We're taking bets that sleep can be overrated...

I have been an insomniac for years. Usually that means that I survive on 6 hours of sleep a night with an occasional nap in the afternoon. Since the Flood of 2K4 in Fox Hall I have slept a total of 12 1/2 hours. That is out of 117 hours. So for 89% of the last few days I have been awake.

The weirdest thing is that I seem to be as productive if not more productive than I am when I am getting a full night's sleep. Granted I have not yet begun to try to solve the world's problems, but who knows. I am feeling a little bit like Kramer on Seinfeld when he tried to sleep like Da Vinci (I think it was Da Vinci, correct me if I am wrong). The problem is that he slept through a ton of important things. I hope that doesn't happen. We will see.

We're taking bets that I may be too old for a second job...

Well I started a second job tonight. It wasn't too bad. No major altercations and a lot of standing around. In case you are wondering I am now a Security Guard/Bouncer at The Brewery in Lowell on Saturday nights. I am just trying to earn some money for Christmas and a Vacation. I am wondering if I am too old for this.

Now I know that most people look at me and don't think that I am age that I really am. I work in a field where the average age is 25 years old and my customers are an average of 20 years old. I feel very young and as most girlfriends I have had would say I act it too. It was definitely a different experience especially since I started with a kid who was 18. He is a good guy. It was his first time in a bar. :)

I have a college degree (that seems like forever ago) and am working (slowly) on my master's degree. Is this what I should be doing to get by? I sometimes wonder if my mother is right and I should start acting my age. I think that it at least gives me a little bit of a social life since I am not in my apartment on a Saturday night. Oh well, I am just ranting. Talk to you all soon.

We're taking bets that fear mongering is a fun term...

According to President Bush's spokesmen John Kerry is fear mongering. This is refers to John Kerry's recent speech regarding the need for a draft if President Bush continues in office. Whether you agree with the Senator or not is irrelevant. What concerns me is the use of the term Fear Monger.

When I googled "Fear Monger" I got 22,900 hits. I looked up the word "monger" and I could not find it in the dictionary. The closest that I got was "mong" which has two meanings. The best meaning was 'an offensive term for somebody regarded as unintelligent.' So I then found it funny that President Bush's people referred to John Kerry as a monger because the general consesus is the President Bush is unintelligent. Although I do not believe that, but I do believe that he has no ability to think on his feet.

Can we ask the Politicians and their people to stop making up terms? When they do make up terms they make me feel a little mongish. :) Though I think we could make a great song with the Fear Monger in it. Remember the old Dr. Pepper theme song just add Fear Monger to the lyrics. (I'm a Monger. You're a Monger)

Anyway, I think by saying "John Kerry is trying to make people afraid of President Bush by mentioning the draft," they could have acheived the result they wanted. Now, most of the American people are afraid of fear mongering. Everyone should vote, but don't get suckered in by pushy politician talk or Michael Moore. I for one am voting for Kerry because I think he is going to be a better leader. No other bullshit than that. Make your own decisions and please go out and vote.

We're taking bets that it was good...

Last night was wild. College students are the best customers to work with. Although most people have no clue what I do for a job (and most don't respect it) I absolutely enjoy it. No day is ever quite the same. My hours are not set by any means. Emotional, Academic, and social problems come up every day. If something major happens at 1:30 am I deal with it. Last night was no exception.

We had a pipe burst in Fox Hall on one of our floors. Pretty major flooding with at least 3 inches of water in the one room and the hallway. The students were not happy but it became something to laugh at. Pictures were taken and people were making jokes. Life went on. One of my staff even had a major test this morning, but did what he could to help until 3:30 am. The resident's of the room were appreciative of what my staff and I did to try and help. Everyone on that floor now has a story about the 2K4 Flood of Fox Hall.

That is what I do I help people through the stories of their lives. I don't ask for thank yous and probably hate them if I got them all the time. I know that even in crisis I am someone who can help everyone. I may be exhausted today, but who cares. To quote one of my favorite bands from the early nineties... "It was good living with you uh oh." :)

We're taking bets that getting stoned for sex isn't what you think it is...

In an Islamic Nigerian court this week two women were sentenced to death by stoning for having sex out of wedlock. The two men whom the women had sex with were acquitted for lack of evidence. Now first of all, let me say that I do not condone sex before marriage. It happens and has pretty much become part of the norm in the United States. I understand with Islamic law things are a lot different than here and each country has its own beliefs. All this said don't you see something wrong here.

The lack of evidence thing against the men is ridiculous. Both women got pregnant by the men they slept with. What more evidence do they need? How about a R. Kelly type video? Wait that didn't work against him. How about a higher quality video like Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee's? The discrepancies on how we treat women in the rest of the world blows me away. These guys are getting off with out any consequences. LITERALLY!!! (see my joke there?)

Despite all the problems that they rest of the world has with the US I think that we do a much better job of treating women. We are not perfect by any means, but we are at least striving to be better. Hopefully that day will come where men will be stoned just like the women.

PS. P McT I do think that we should stone Yankee fans for spouting off at the mouth when they really have nothing good to say. :) (See a comment two posts down)

We're taking bets that if you like football you will love "Friday Night Lights"...

Every sport needs a movie that can help define it. Baseball is very lucky to have three such movies in The Natural, Field of Dreams, and Bull Durham. Basketball has Hoosiers. Gymnastics and Figure Skating even have American Anthem and Cutting Edge respectively. I don't think that football has really had that movie until now after a ton of duds.

Friday Night Lights was an excellent movie. PERIOD. END OF STORY. The fact that it was about football shouldn't matter one bit. The movie was based on a book written by H. G. Bissinger in 1990 following the Permian High School Football team of 1988. The characters are all real and the story is entirely true.

The movie was so good that I didn't even care that I read the book twice and knew the outcome because I was rooting for this team to succeed throughout the movie. If you haven't read the book I will not ruin the story for you. Here are the highlights Peter Berg did an excellent job of directing real football action. Tim McGraw (yes the country singer) plays a convincing pushy drunk father. Billy Bob Thorton (in easily his best work since Sling Blade), job as the football coach Gary Gaines was incredible. I actually thought I would have loved playing for him in High School. All of the High School students were excellent and I think that Derek Luke may become the next superstar actor. (If you haven't seen him in Antwone Fisher go rent it right now.)

Whether you like football or not you should see this movie. Just be prepared to laugh a little, to tense up a lot in anticipation and to wipe a tear from your cheek numerous times during the movie. If you have seen it give me your thoughts especially if you think another football movie was better. (Yes I liked Necessary Roughness but only because Kathy Ireland was really hot the entire time she was in the movie.)

We're taking bets that rewards don't always fit the deed...

7 kids from New Jersey found $20,000 worth of New York Yankees Playoff Tickets and turned them in last week. As a reward for their good deed they were given by the Yankees a ticket to a regular season game (after the Yankees already clinched the playoffs) and by Wachovia Bank (who lost the tickets) some New Jersey Nets tickets. They were also honored by their hometown. Now I understand that all good deeds don't get rewarded, but I don't quite think they were close to rewarded enough.

Mr. Money Bags George Steinbrenner said, "It's a real tribute to their honesty and total integrity." Exactly and the richest team in baseball could not find these guys tickets for them and their parents in the last row of the stadium for a playoff game. I am not quite sure that I as a 12 year old would have been able to turn them in. I know if they were Red Sox tickets that I never would have turned them in. To be quite honest I was more impressed by what the town did than the EVIL EMPIRE. That is why they are called an EVIL EMPIRE. When they have an opportunity to look like a Saints they end up looking like rich misers who really didn't appreciate what these boys did. On top of all of that they decided to punish them by giving them New Jersey Nets tickets. ICK!!!!

We're taking bets that truly crazy stuff will never happen in New England...

Over the last few years you have heard all of the stories like Columbine, Laci Peterson, Kentucky school shooting, Elizabeth Smart kidnapping, Mark Hacking killing his wife in Utah and the crazy search for her. All of these are horrible things. I then look at the stuff that happens in New England. Yes we have our share of spouse murders and kidnappings, but we seem to handle most of them in a normal way and we have stopped many bad things before they happen.

This is evident in this story. Murder Plot Stopped It is the second time over the last 3 years that New England police have stopped one of these crazy events before it happened. Why can't the rest of the United States be like this? Is it possible that I am just too sheltered and do not hear the stories of the rest of the United States? I think the real issue is that we are an untrusting group in New England. When we hear something we rat them out except for Whitey Bulger, but he was an Irish guy from Southie and we love those guys. We are too busy and too cramped for craziness. We don't tolerate it.

Thank God I live in New England. Though maybe it is because the Red Sox haven't won the World Series. Uh-oh, I think this is the year, maybe craziness will ensue. Oh yeah by the way...


YANKEES SUCK!!u

We're taking bets that we get no respect...

A Great American comedian died today. Jacob Cohen aka Rodney Dangerfield was 82 years old when he died from complications with heart surgery. You may have thought that he was crass and crude but that made him most funny to me. He was incredible in Caddyshack and even better in Back to School. Many of you missed his dramatic performance in Oliver Stone's Natural Born Killers but he was very good in that too.

He became famous because of his "NO RESPECT" humor. It is how each of us feel somedays and he captured it perfectly. He had no problem poking fun at himself which made him that much more endearing. Everyone should take a little bit of Rodney Dangerfield and laugh at your flaws. So tonight pay a little respect to the man with no respect.

WTBT Movie Contest #2

This monthly column will test how well you know your movies. I will include 15 lines below. You need to name the movie and actor(s) who said it. Sometimes I will include the character's name(s) who said it. Some of them will be easy and some will be difficult. They will rang from the 50's to today and from any type of movie. E-mail me your answers to Gregory_Madrid@uml.edu by . I will declare a winner on Monday morning. The top 3 people will win a special prize that I will mail to you. I will also post all of the answers in the comments section on Tuesday evening. Remember you don't have to be perfect to win. Everyone has a shot. Have fun. Good luck to everyone. Please comment if you like this column.

PS - You should try to not use GOOGLE or another search engine. I won't know the truth, but the guilt should get to you. :)
PS#2 - Previous winners should get stuff by mail Monday or Tuesday. I had some delays.

We're taking bets that...

- Enough about you, Casanova. Talk about her. She's smart, fun, the hair, the eyes - pick a feature.
- Attention, passengers, we are now leaving Nun Central on our journey to Hell and beyond.
- You don't buy black underwear unless you want somebody to see it.
- Coach Harris: I want to see you, and the other girls, in the locker room, now!
- say goodbye to your two best friends, and I don't mean your pals in the winnebago.
- Billy: So you lost your job? I've lost twenty of them since graduation. Plus a wife and kid. And, in a new development this morning, a handful of hair in the shower drain.
- He's more machine now than man; twisted and evil.
- Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, "In this world, Elwood, you must be" - she always called me Elwood - "In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. And you may quote me.
- Funny, the damage a silly little book can do, especially in the hands of a silly little girl.
- Evil does not wear a bonnet!
- If Wilbur is killed and his trough stands empty day after day, you'll grow so thin we can look right through your stomach and see objects on the other side.
- I spent my whole life trying not to be careless. Women and children can be careless. But not men.
- Yes. You're Sardo Numsie. Ha-ha-ha. Look, I don't care who you are. I do care that you kidnapped a little kid, though.
- Do you see the fuckin' emotion I'm goin' through right now? That means this shit is serious. That means me and this motherfucker's not vibin' right now. That's what that shit means.
- Car Rental Lady: How may I help you?
Neal: You can start by wiping that fucking dumbass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks! Then you can give me a fucking automobile: a fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking Mustang, a fucking Buick! Four fucking wheels and a seat!
- Please, no, por favor, por favor, please no, I implore you. I was doing it for my family! My mother she's sick and my father he lives off the garbage. The king offered me much money and I have a little brother...

WTBT Volume Eight

We're taking bets that...

* Beyonce was hurt by dancing. I guess her bootylicious has turned to bootyitis.
* it is crazy that they stopped the Twins/Indians extra inning game for a college football game.
* the re-enactment of the Battle of Egg Harbor is awesome. Egg Battle
* this may be the greatest fall ever for UMass Lowell Athletics.
* it sucks when you drop your tray in the cafeteria.
* it is pretty funny when it isn't you. :)
* if you don't know who Richard Avedon you should check out his site. Richard Avedon
* you should run out and watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It takes more than once to truly understand it.
* you had no idea that the WNBA playoffs are going on right now.
* Ichiro may have the hits record but we should never forget George Sisler. Official Site
* once again Eminem has come out with a stupid song, but you can't get the beat out of your head and it will grow on you.
* after its first win in the Big East UCONN will make a bowl this year.
* if George W. Bush doesn't win the next debate he is in a lot of trouble for the next election.
* West Virginia didn't see the train that was Virginia Tech this week.
* Mt. St. Helens is going to blow and it is going to cause chaos in the US weather for the two weeks after.
* all the tourists that are trying to see an erupting Mt. St. Helens are idiots.
* the Chicago Cubs really might be more cursed then the Boston Red Sox. Especially after their wild card collapse this year.
* Shark Tale really is going to be a stupid movie.
* despite what you think about the LA Dodger trade dealine moves getting Steve Finley might get them to the World Series.
* the unsealed Kobe files are more sad than anything else.
* Keira Knightly may be really, REALLY HOT, but she should not be #1 on a list of the hottest movie stars ever.
* Larry Bowa deserved to be fired by the Philadelphia Phillies. Let the off-season firings begin.
* you really don't care at all about Paris Hilton's life, but you are really concerned about what happens to the Olsen Twins.
* the Oakland A's absolutely collapsed over the last two weeks.
* you shouldn't drive drunk over a frozen lake in Wisconsin. It will get you arrested for drunk driving. How about getting arrested for stupidity?
* noone has missed the NHL.
* bears are just awesome!!! Cool Bear
* the Shaq and Kobe fight is really funny. I think they should have a debate like Kerry & Bush.
* it makes you happy that Ashton Kutcher is going to be PUNKing people for three more seasons.
* Jamal Lewis of the Baltimore Ravens kept saying he was innocent, but accepting a plea bargain and jail time really seems to contradict those statements.
* Conan O'Brien has the best excuse to slack off for the next five years.
* it is creepy that 55 year old Billy Joel married a 23 year old and his daughter Alexa is only 19. Plus he is one ugly man... Why do beautiful women keep marrying him?
* this was not a good week for ranked college football teams.
* you just love that who goes first in the debates is determined by a coin flip.

We're taking bets that people can be freaks...

This is a continuation of an old post Weird People. I have seen a ton of freakish or odd stuff lately and I want to comment on it. So here will be just a few things that I have seen and the special comments that I have about them.

- Guys who freak out when a TV camera is pointed towards them. This happens all the time at sporting events. What is that all about? Are they trying to impress someone? Maybe they have TIVO and they are going to run home to show their friends that they were the biggest idiot on TV. Being excited that your team is winning is one thing but ripping off your shirt or screaming at the top of your lungs when no audio is going out makes no sense. Gentlemen relax a little put up you index finger and show that your team is number one. Say hello to your mom. Even try to be funny because you don't want your 15 minutes of fame to put you into the IDIOT Hall of Fame.

- People who have sex with their doors open. I work in a 18 story high rise residence hall. If your door is open everyone in the world can see you. Is this what people really want? No one wants to hear it let alone see it. Well maybe we do want to see it, but with the right angles and stuff. Tangent sorry. Please close your door when having sex. I don't need to see your ugly ass when I am walking by your room.

- People who walk out into the street in front of traffic and then decide to walk at a snail's pace. What the heck is that about? I have no issue with you trying to cross the street but freaking move people. Pedestrians may have the right of way, but life says I have the right to run you over with my SUV.

- A man and a women having sex at two in the afternoon in their public shower. I understand that you might have a need to get your freak on and getting caught can add to your excitement but two in the afternoon. Of course you are going to get caught. The funny thing is they actually had the gall to try and hide it from me and my RA even though we were standing outside the door. Then they seemed appalled that I gave them a lecture while they stood in their towels. I could have embarrassed them more by telling them they needed a tan and to workout a little more, but I refrained from that.

We're taking bets the PDA can get a little gross...

I am all for loving our fellow human beings. Male/Female, Male/Male, Female/Female - It doesn't really matter to me. If you are walking down the street hold hands all you want. If you are saying goodbye a simple quick kiss goodbye is perfectly fine. Even if you are at the airport and your significant other, who you haven't seen in weeks, gets off the plane have a passionate kiss. I have no problems with these PDAs. No one should. But there is a freaking limit.

When you are at a college dining hall and you both are going to the deli you do not have to be attached at the hip. Let go of each others hand and just freaking walk!!! I mean come on. When you are standing in front of an elevator do not make out in front of me!!! These are simple rules of being in public. You should not be trying to make a porn DVD in front of me. Porn is free on the internet. We do not need to see it in public. Could you please... Is it possible... with sugar on top... don't gross me out in public?

I don't know if I am being bitter because I am currently single or because I have just seen way too many gross PDAs this year. If you must be attached to your partner at all times then seek out a counselor for those issues. If you can't find some private space to do some sloppy kissing and groping go into a stairwell or find a closet. I think I speak for just about everyone I know when I say "JUST GET OUT OF MY EYESIGHT WHEN YOU NEED TO EXCESSIVELY SHOW PDA." Maybe Hallmark should make a card:

Roses are Red

Violets Are Blue

Your kissing is Gross

Get out of my View.

Seek out a Room

Find a Closet

Your Groping is Disgusting

I'm going to Lose it.

Robert Frost was a poet

Haley is a comet

Please stop now

I'm going to Vomit.

It would have a picture of two people slobbering over each other in a circle with a line through it on the inside. It doesn't matter if you are pretty people or ugly people it just needs to stop. Though it is definitely more disgusting when it is Big Foot and Medusa playing tonsil hockey. Maybe I just don't appreciate affection. Please comment and tell me I am not crazy to think this way.

Music Contest #2 Answers and Winners

We had 5 entries to the music contest. There was a tie at the top. Beth Willis and Kevin Gentile both got 81% right. Congratulations on your achievement!!! The will be getting a yellow Support our troops magnet. :) Bonnie Maitland came in second with 63% and she won a dinosaur ruller. Thank you to Scott Tomestic and Pascha McTyson for your entries. I am sure next time you will do better. I also apologize as there was 16 entries this time instead of 15. Next time it will be back to 15. It will also be an all 80's Contest. I hope you are enjoying this column. Here are the answers:

1. Ace of Base - The Sign
2. David Bowie - Fame
3. Huey Lewis and the News - If this is it
4. Peter, Paul & Mary - Puff the Magic Dragon
5. Temple of the Dog - Hunger Strike
6. Snoop Dogg - Gin & Juice
7. Modest Mouse
8. Grateful Dead - Touch of Grey
9. Olivia Newton John - Magic
10. Dixie Chicks - Goodbye Earl
11. Roy Orbison - Pretty Woman
12. Outkast - Mrs. Jackson
13. Hall & Oates - Private Eyes
14. Destiny's Child - Bills Bills Bills
15. Kid Rock - Bawitdaba
16. Monkees - Last Train to Clarksville

MOVIE CONTEST IS COMING ON SUNDAY!!!

We're taking bets that no one knows what to do when they enter an elevator...

Picture it Sicily 1935. No seriously think about this scenario. What do you do?

The elevator doors open. It is crowded but there is space. You have waited a long time. You get into the elevator. Do you....?

A) Say hello to everyone. Turn to the front and stare at the numbers as they go down or up.
B) Ignore everyone. Try not to touch people and stare at the door.
C) Smile at people. Make eye contact with people but don't stare.
D) Stay facing the back. Make jokes about the elevator crashing into a fiery abyss. Have an evil laugh as you get off.

There are no real rules to the elevators. I think the only real rule is do not jump up and down because you will probably break the elevator. Even that doesn't stop people from doing it. I would like to make a book of elevator etiquette. Please submit in the comments section rules that you would like included. Once I get 50 good rules I will make a book and bind it. Then I will pass it out so that everyone will now now the elevator rules.

We're taking bets that there is something funny to be said here

Do you think you can beat my caption?


I told you living in a rock would protect us from the Hurricanes.
Posted by Hello

WTBT Volume 7

We're taking bets that...

* it is really funny that Sinead O'Connor had to take a newspaper ad out to try and get people to stop heckling her.
* David Ortiz of the Boston Red Sox really does look like Shrek.
* hearing about the latest hurricane is just as tiring for you as it is for residents of Florida.
* it is time for Roy "Got my Ass Handed to Me" Jones Jr. to retire from boxing.
* if you like naked yoga out in a crowd area go to San Francisco.
* the Indianapolis Colts have an absolutely sick offense. Too bad they have a really sick defense as well.
* you cannot give a lapdance back if you find out you don't have the money to pay for it.
* the word "suck" makes people more upset than most swear words.
* beheadings are not fun.
* Curt Schilling is the Red Sox best hope to win the World Series.
* George W. Bush and John Kerry are too concerned with military records and not issues.
* USC should have lost to Stanford.
* you are so looking forward to Halloween this year.
* the Jacksonville Jaguars are the luckiest team in the NFL.
* First Daughter only has one redeeming quality. Katie Holmes
* there is absolutely no question that Barry Bonds is the best baseball player of last 50 years.
* CSI maybe one of the best TV shows, but when they decide to kill one of their own they wussed out with a random shooting. Couldn't he have been killed by monkeys or accidentally eaten a poisonous bug?
* Ichiro isn't concerned with winning but rather personal success.
* Shaun of the Dead is worth the $9.
* there might be nothing better in baseball(aside from the Red Sox winning the World Series) than a Red Sox/Yankee playoff series.
* college administrators can take rules to the extreme sometimes. Stripper Pole
* it was really weird seeing Hayden Christensen at the end of Return of the Jedi.
* Tyler Hamilton is being wrongly accused in his Olympic bicycling scandal.
* it will anger you if Usher gets his wish and does an R&B movie just like 8 Mile.
* the Kansas City Chiefs will make the Playoffs.
* every time you hear the Volkswagon commercial where the blond guy starts screaming you laugh.
* "Bye Weeks" in football suck when your team is having one.
* you should not cash checks that are sent to you by accident. Evil Check Casher
* people are way too shocked about 'Sex and the City''s Miranda dating a woman in real life.
* this may be the best baseball playoffs ever.

We're taking bets that driving courtesy is rare...

So I was driving through the City of Nashua, NH and the City of Lowell, MA today and I realized that driving courtesy is very rare. People don't want to let you in no matter how long it looks like you have been patiently waiting. I think that you could sometime sit in traffic for a hour with your blinker on and no one would care enough to let you in. Additionally, the guy behind you would be pissed because you haven't turned off your blinker and is wondering if you are ever going to turn.

Today I was in a situation 5 times where I needed some assistance to turn into a parking lot or onto a main road from a parking lot. Only twice was I given the wave across. The other three times I felt like I was going to die if I wasn't just perfect in my pulling out. Dale Earnhardt Jr. would have been proud of me. It did make me feel pretty proud of my driving skills, but should it feel like I am the Millenium Falcon trying to navigate an asteroid field without any help from Chewbacca? Absolutely not. (Sorry I have been watching the Star Wars DVD's a lot.)

When one lady and an elderly couple let me in I gave them a huge wave and the biggest smile I could. The lady then gave me a wave back, which totally threw me off guard. She was extra nice. Which led me to think "Maybe she got laid today." (That was one of my student's reason for their coach being nice to him yesterday.) Anyway, I think that my day is now better because of that lady. I might even let someone in the next time I see someone struggling to merge with traffic. We are all way too angry about things and our cars should be a haven for stress relief and speed. Give someone a wave and let them in. Please be nice to your fellow drivers because maybe it will stop road rage. At the very least being nice may help you get laid today. :)

We're taking bets that Billy the Kid is dead...

So in case anyone was wondering the case of Billy the Kid was finally closed. Now many of you may be wondering, "didn't he die in 1881?" Well the answer now is officially yes. Three sheriffs in New Mexico wanted to find out if Billy the Kid was officially killed by Sheriff Pat Garrett or if he eluded him using a move that porpoises against sharks. (That joke stolen from Dane Cook.

Now I know that the government wastes money. We send billion dollars mini-Range Rovers to Mars; they crash land and no one really bats an eye. Do we have to spend a ton of money exhuming a guy who definitely is dead? I know that he may not have died by the hands of Pat Garrett, but doesn' t that make him more interesting? Not everyone of us will become a legend or a mythical figure. Though I do think that the Legend of Greg Madrid would be a real cool thing I am pretty sure it is not going to happen. Maybe if I can get my best friend Ian to pull a Thelma and Louise with me it would happen. (No I would not sleep with Brad Pitt, but Ian might.) :) I could get a cool name like Greg the Gentle. I could be referred to as just "The Gentle". I am on a tangent though; let me get back on track.

The sheriffs ultimately want to get Billy a posthumous pardon by the governor. The Kid's lawyers think that digging him up would help their case. Yes a dead guy has a lawyer that was appointed by the State. Do you really think that he's got a shot of getting good representation or will they plea bargain him out to time served?

So you can see the ridiculousness. I understand having a passion for something but how about the living or the recently dead. At least from the last 30 years. I think enough time has passed to say that the 19th Century is officially over. Though I really think "The War of 1812" was a hoax put on by the media. Let me call my lawyer to find out if we can sue someone.

WTBT Monthly Music Contest #2

This monthly column will test how well you know your music. I will include 15 music lines below. You need to name the title of the song and artist who sang it. Some of them will be easy and some will be difficult. They will rang from the 50's to today and from any type of music. E-mail me your answers to Gregory_Madrid@uml.edu. I will declare a winner on Wednesday morning. The top 3 people will win a special prize that I will mail to you. It doesn't matter if you don't know them all to at least give it a try. I will also post all of the answers in the comments section on Wednesday evening. Have fun.

We're taking bets that...

* Life is demanding without understanding
* it’s just the flameThat burns your change to keep you insane
* You’ve been thinkingAnd I’ve been drinking
* Noble kings and princes would bow whene’er they came (Original Artist)
* I don’t mind stealing bread
* You got to get yours but fool I gotta get mine
* It was worth it just to learn from sleight-of-hand
* I see you’ve got your list out, say your piece and kiss off.
* Don't let your aim ever stray and if all your hopes survive your destiny will arrive
* he was a missing person who nobody missed at all
* I’ll treat you righ come with me baby be mine tonight
* I am for real never meant to make your daughter cry
* You play with words you play with love
* I need someone to help me outInstead of a scrub like you
* I said it’s all good and it’s all in fun so get in the pit and try to love someone
* We’ll have time for coffee flavored kisses and a bit of conversation.

PS - You should try to not use GOOGLE or another search engine. I won't know the truth, but the guilt should get to you. :)

We're taking bets that "The Wave" can give us hope...

This evening I watched the Boston Red Sox beat the Baltimore Orioles 7-6 in 12 innings. It was an amazing game with a ton of ups and downs. The home team won it and we left happy. The best thing is that I walked away from the game feeling a little better about humanity.

Just about everyday in the United States there is some sort of sporting event. During that sporting event someone starts a WAVE. If you have never experienced it first hand you are missing one of the truly amazing human feats. It starts in one section of the stadium or arena. Everyone in the section stands in their seats and they raise their hands. The other sections see this and follow suit. It goes in order and you do not stand up until the section before you has gone. When you watch it you get the sensation that a wave is washing over the crowd. It can be an awesome event to watch. It usually last for about 2 or 3 minutes.

What is most amazing is that it doesn't matter who you are rooting for or whether you like anyone around you once the WAVE comes you stand up. People have trouble getting together to vote, but every night at least 30,000 people can put a WAVE together. Normally it starts with one person(often drunk) who yells and waves his hand frantically. Then he or she screams "ONE!! TWO!! THREE!!" and everyone just knows what to do. It may take 3 or 4 tries to get it started but the it takes a life of its own. How this happens when normally we could care less about our fellow man and doing something together is astonishing.

Thankfully we can work together as a team. Human Beings bound by making a WAVE. It always brings a smile to faces as well. There isn't much else that can illicit this time of a response every time it happens.

Here are some facts that I was able to dig up about WAVES:

- Gained ground with U.S. fans in the early 1980s.
- Soccer fans in Mexico first embraced it during the 1986 World Cup.
- The Oakland A's say the wave's first MLB appearance was at their game on October 15, 1981.
- It usually rolls in a clockwise direction at a rate of about 20 seats per second.

I know that the WAVE can get annoying. Especially when it happens during a critical part of the game, but deep down everyone really likes it. I am glad that the WAVE can give me a little more hope in humanity! Work together... Make a WAVE!!! :) If you have a story about WAVES please share them in the comment section.

We're taking bets that these beheadings are freaking messed up...

*BEWARE OF THIS BLOG I WILL BE SWEARING AND SERIOUS*

HOLY SHIT!!! I know that I can barely grasp what things are like in Iraq, but resorting to beheadings. This was common place in France with Marie Antoinette and the guillotine, but in 2004! We have had hostage situations for a long time. Jimmy Carter and Jesse Jackson actually both have been lauded with there work getting hostages released. Many hostages have died, but until recently none that I know of have been beheaded.

Maybe George Lucas is to blame. When Mace Windu beheaded Jango Fett in Attack of the Clones it could have started a trend. It also could have been The Sopranos with Tony chopping off Richie's head after he killed him. But what the Fuck!?!

Part of me wishes this was the 70's or 80's and we didn't have access to this information as readily. At least it wouldn't be on every website and on all of the news stations continuously. I don't want to hear Wolf Blitzer's commentary or Tom Brokaw be completely disgusted by it. I want Walter Cronkite to tell me "that's the way it is, " and be done with it.

Terrorism is obviously scary, but these guys are taking it to new levels. The Multimedia Age has them filming it and showing it to the world. That movie 15 Minutes was completely fucked up but this takes the proverbial fucking cake. Video taping the torture and beheadings to show to the media and all of your Terrorist parties.

PARENTS OF THE WORLD PLEASE DO NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN SEE ANY OF THIS. I don't care who you hate; this is not right!!! Starve them, give them tattoos of Sadaam or Osama, put them through the spank machine, but no more beheadings. Cruelty can come in many forms and I hope that we aren't that cruel in the US. I may be very naive and just not know, but please tell me it is not this way here.

Maybe the guy on the street with the sign is finally right. The End of the World is Near! Let's hope not, but be afraid. Let's teach our children something different. Remember the immortal words of Billy Davis. Coca Cola's version of the Best Song Ever !

We're taking bets that it is time to talk Star Wars...

Well the day has almost arrived. The one day this year that can make me and millions of guys from the ages 18 to 50 as excited as when the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue comes out. Yes, that day is almost here. The day that the Star Wars Trilogy comes out on DVD!!! Tuesday September 21st, 2004 will easily be a day that rivals Christmas Eve in terms of DVD sales.

Thousands of people have made fun of Star Wars Nerds. Triumph the Insult Comic Dog was probably the funniest. (STAR WARS NERDS) I am not going to even try to make fun of these people because I love Star Wars too. Not enough to dress up for one of the movies, but deep down I wanted to be Luke Skywalker or Han Solo.

If you don't remember anything about Star Wars let me give you some highlights of the three movies.

Star Wars
* Little Starship getting enveloped by ENORMOUS Starship. Very cool. Never scene before in any movie. Almost not topped in any movie beginning ever.
* Darth Vader enters. Perhaps the coolest bad guy ever imagined. Big, Strong and the deepest voice possible. Try to find a better villian.
* Luke finding his Uncle and Aunt fried to death. Really gross actually, but sets the movie moving forward.
* Death Vader using the death grip on the smarmy Imperial Guy. You don't know how many times I wished I could do that. In meetings, with dumb people, just for fun. The possibilities are endless.
* Obi-Wan uses the force for the first time in the SandSpeeder on the StormTrooper. Try those lines with a cop; I bet it gets you arrested.
* Obi-Wan uses his lightsaber for the first time. Awesome. Killing one of the ugliest and stupidest characters of Star Wars Lore (Jar Jar Binks is the stupidest.)
* The Millenium Falcon. Nuff Said.
* Luke seeing Leia for the first time. Admit it Carrie Fisher was kind of hot. What happened I don't know, but I think it was booze and drugs.
* Obi-Wan seeing Luke then getting killed by Darth Vader. Let me hold back the tears.
* "STAY ON TARGET" One of the greatest lines in the movie. Used to death my billions since especially while driving on the highway.
* The Death Star blowing up. What a great ending. The Rebels have won and the Empire is defeated. NOT QUITE!

Empire Strikes Back
* Hands down the best movie of the series. Cool Locations - Great Fights - Drama - Laughter - Tears. Should make everyones Top Ten All-Time Movies.
* Leia kissing Luke. Real Funny. Gross now, but funny at the time.
* Yoda appears and is the coolest puppet ever. If a puppet could be bad ass he would be on top of the list.
* The first appearance of Boba Fett. His armor was kick ass. One of the few people that you think could actually make it out of Compton even wearing that outfit. Too bad he died like a punk.
* Lando Calrissian appears and everyone wonders if they sell Colt 45 in space.
* Vader and Luke fighting for the first time. Excellent fight scene. Luke is totally overmatched.
* Han getting frozen in carbonite. Here come the tears. Stupid Lando.
* He's what? No sir? No way!!! HIS FATHER? The only thing that would have been more surprising would be that Vader was also his mom.
* Cliffhanger ending. What the heck is going to happen next?!?

Return of the Jedi

* Jabba the Hutt is the probably the grossest villian ever. He is not only gross, but he died in one of the coolest ways by being strangled by a half-naked Princess Leia.
* Seeing Princess Leia in a whole new light. Who new she had boobs?
* The Sarlaac Pit. Is there a more evil way to die?
* Boba Fett dying by stupidity. Worst Death ever in any movie.
* Meeting the ewoks on Endor. Aren't they just the cutest?
* That weird guy on the Millenium Falcon. Did he even have a name?
* Absolute bawling when the ewok died and his friend tried to wake him up. It is making me teary even now.
* Finding out Leia is Luke's twin sister. This was almost as shocking as the Dad thing, but don't you think that Maury Povich would have had an intergalactic special reuniting them someday anyway.
* The Celebration Ewok Song. Yubba Dub Dub. I could hear that every night and it doesn't get old.

So many memories. So little time. AHHHHH it's 11:15 I have to get in line for my copy. Hopefully I will run into some of those STAR WARS NERDS!!!!

WTBT Volume Six

We're taking bets that...

* Britney Spears will be divorced before J. Lo marries again. Oops J. Lo isn't divorced yet. Oh well I still think this is true.
* the Miami Dolphins better be very scared of their meeting with the Patriots because it will probably be for 18 wins in a row.
* even dogs don't want to watch hockey. Dog Hates Hockey
* Europeans are laughing at the pitiful performance of the US Ryder Cup team.
* Macaulay Culkin police mugshot Saturday for marijuana possession looked a little like this. MugShot
* the big series between the Yankees & Red Sox fizzled after Friday night.
* it doesn't make much sense that Hugh Heffner was the first inducted into the Erotic Hall of Fame since it should be named after him.
* placekickers in college football are becoming too much a part of the game when they keep missing routine extra points.
* Joe Gibbs couldn't keep the luck going when his Redskins gave up 7 TO's to the NY Giants.
* Ivan is the best name we have had for a horrible hurricane. I mean Ivan the Terrible. I think the next one should be Hagar the Horrible.
* the polls will mean nothing until the Presidential election is over on November 2nd.
* after not catching a pass for the first time in 274 games it is time for Jerry Rice to retire. That is an incredible streak.
* in the rare case an erection last more than four hours you should seek medical help immediately.
* 700 is only the beginning for Barry Bonds.
* if Gary Payton doesn't show up for training camp Danny Ainge should say "F&$* HIM!!!"
* the Emmys are the second most boring awards show next to the Tony's.
* if you don't get to Cushing Field soon you are going to miss the best field hockey team UML has ever seen.
* Laurence Olivier should never have been CGI'd into a villian in Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow.
* if professional hockey does ever come back Joe Thorton will finally become the megasuperstar that all of Boston wants him to be.
* no one is crying that Martha Stewart will be losing her $75,000 a month salary once she enters jail.
* you don't quite understand the NASCAR points system, but this new Championship Series makes it a little more exciting.
* because of the nine different drugs Rick James had in his system when he died I am pretty sure he sat up on the coroner's table and said, "I'm Rick James BITCH!!!"
* Johan Santana will beat out Curt Schilling for the CY Young Award in the American League.
* not to be outdone by other former child stars Edward Furlong got drunk and took lobsters out of a tank in the supermarket. As he was arrested he was quoted as saying, "I'll be back."
* I'd like to buy the world a Coke in memory of songwriter Billy Davis.
* if you didn't see ESPN's fake trial of which team is more cursed the Cubbies or the Red Sox you missed some riveting TV.
* the greatest find of 2004 may be a lost Jimi Hendrix concert from 1969.
* Oscar De La Hoya should stop boxing after the beating he took from Bernard Hopkins.
* Lowell City Manager John Cox and City Project Manager Ed Souza may have pulled off the biggest heist since the Lindbergh baby by reducing the new school's classrooms by 3 to save some money.
* it is sad that Dan Orlovsky of the UCONN Huskies won't be considered for the Heisman trophy, but he should.
* CSI starts this Thursday and you should be glued to your TV for it.

We're taking bets that Colorado Colleges & Universities make you shake your head...

Colorado Colleges and Universities have had a tough year with doing the right thing. Colorado State University (CSU) had a student die a few days ago at a fraternity house and full out riots in August after police came down on parties. Rioting that was so bad that the Lt. Gov. started a task force to investigate the drinking abuses on its college campuses. (I would volunteer to go undercover if needed.) Well in an effort to connect with students CSU has decided to provide beer at its football games with a higher alcohol content than before. Now that isn't the real reason it is just as one newspaper stated "tragic timing." The increase was almost double from 3.2% to 6%. I bet you are wondering how much does my favorite beer have? Well on average the most popular beers have between 4.5% to 5.25%. (Alcohol Content Levels) 6% seems a little high even though every beer probably costs around $8 to $10 like it does in the Fleet Center or Gillette Stadium. But this is just an on going thing in Colorado. The largest school in the state has been just as bad.

University of Colorado(U of C) football team has been in chaos since a sexual and drinking scandal has surfaced. Coach Gary Barnett was suspended pending an investigation to see "whether there's a culture that promotes excessive drinking." That quote was by U of C's president Elizabeth Hoffman. Now I know that College and University Administrations are usually a little bit out of touch with the student population, but come on!! Football has always had a culture that promotes excessive drinking from High School to Professional. I am one of the first people to crack open a beer while watching a football game so of course it is part of the culture.

President Betsy reinstated Coach Beer Pong three months later saying, “(U of C) must have an athletic culture that is consistent with the values of this university and is supportive of women as athletes, as fellow students and as employees.” If this doesn't warrant a "DUH" I don't know what does. Athletes are no better than any students and should be treated the same exact way. If you spoke to most student-athletes you would find out that is all they want.

Colleges and Universities of Colorado are consistently in the Top 20 of Princeton Reviews top Party Schools. U of C, CSU & Colorado College (where they excel in Reefer Madness) are all on the list. ( Party Schools) I wish I had some explainations for the stupidity out there. The altitude would seem to make the most sense, but I don't hear much about these problems in Kenya. It's time to get off my soapbox besides I need to get to bed. The NFL is on tomorrow and I have a ton of drinking to do. :)

We're taking bets that a regular phone ring is a thing of the past...

Dum Dum Dum Dum
Dum Dum Dum Dum

That is what phones have become. Just about everyone on the planet has a cell phone. Many people no longer have home phones. You can find anyone anywhere at any time you need. Now all of those things are just a part of technology advancing us along. Like getting rid of the rotary phone. But what about the stupid ring tones. This is an issue that will never get better and probably only get worse.

"Your phone is ringing." No actually that is not the truth. "Your phone is playing an annoying Britney Spears Song." or "Your phone is telling us that the circus is in town." What happened to the ring? Has it really gone? Is it really that cool to play the latest song from New Found Glory or Avril Lavigne? It is annoying enough when a phone rings during a meeting, but does it have to play "Butterfly" by Mariah Carey?

Why is it that the person with perhaps the most annoying song can never get to their phone quickly? Now I have "It's a Small World" stuck in my head for the rest of the day because you have a dumb ring and you are slow. I say we bring back the days when there was only 3 or 4 rings and they were not too different from each other. Life was simple. Meetings were only interrupted for emergencies. We were productive human beings not robots on phones. Remember that Sesame Street episode where the 2 aliens came down and mimiced the phone ringing. They can't do that now. It just wouldn't make sense. It should be Brrrrrring, Brrrrrring not Baum Chicka Bow Wow. It is crazy. Uh Oh "I'm Too Sexy" is playing. Time to answer my office phone. :)

We're taking bets that sportsmanship is a lost art...

You may or may not have heard about the incident that happened in Oakland yesterday. If you haven't here is a quick recap. The saintly Oakland A's fans were mercilessly taunting the Texas Ranger bullpen and Frank Francisco freaked out. He threw a chair into the stands that hit one guy and knocked another lady off of the temple. There was a lot of bleeding and a 19 minute melee ensued. Freaking-out Frank was arrested and charged with assault. The taunting Oakland fans claimed innocence and put back on their halos.

Now I wonder who is to blame. Since it was Oakland and they have perhaps the worst fans on the entire planet (English Soccer fans excluded) there is absolutely no way they were innocent. Frank had to have heard something to piss him off. Here is a couple of examples of what I think was said...

"Hey Frank!!! Your Mom!!!"
"Frankie... The Frankenator... Frankarama... Beans and Frank... Frank"
"You throw like a girl!"
"You Suck"

Any of those statements would definitely have warranted the throwing of a chair or at least sticking your tongue out at someone. What Frank did not realize that his best comeback would have been... "I'm rubber and you're glue. What you say bounces off me and sticks to you." I think the time has come for people to only yell out good and encouraging things. Here is a couple more examples...

"Derek Jeter, although I hate you because you are a Yankee you really dress nice."
"Error smerror (insert favorite player's name) at least you are not a Yankee."
"Don't give up batting .150 isn't like batting .000"
"I love you. You love me. Let's hang a Yankee from a tree."

Each one of those are encouraging and good. They bring happiness to the world. Sportsmanship is really about three things.

1) Cheering for your team
2) Not taunting the opponent
3) Hating everything about the Yankees.

As I end this column I am going to nominate someone for the Sportsmanship Hall of Fame. Randomly over the next year I will be doing this. Hopefully it won't happen often, but we all know it will.

SPORTSMANSHIP HALL OF FAME

The entire organization of the Indianapolis Colts: For repeatedly saying after they lost to the New England Patriots that the best team didn't win. They have not beaten the Patriots in their last three attempts, therefore they are not the best team. Give the team that beat you their due. You lost because well the better team beat you. :)

WTBT Movie Winners

Here are the answers to the movie contest. Sorry it was so hard for some of you.

1. Anchorman - Will Farrell
2. Fight Club - Ed Norton
3. About Last Night - John Belushi
4. Dead Poets Society - Robert Sean Leonard
5. Deer Hunter - Chuck Aspegren
6. Rainman - Dustin Hoffman
7. Wayne's World - Mike Myers, Alice Cooper & Pete
8. Wizard of Oz - Judy Garland
9. Night of the Living Dead - Unknown Actor
10. Eurotrip - Travis Webster & Jacob Pitts
11. European Vacation - Chevy Chase
12. Ghostbusters 2 - Bill Murray
13. Godfather 2 - Al Pacino
14. Krull - David Battley
15. Back to the Future - Crispin Glover

Congrats to Rosie Lankowski for getting the most right and being the only one to submit them. She will get a nice set of shiny pencils. :)

We're taking bets that you can't beat my caption...

Try and beat this caption. Put your attempts in the comments section. The one that makes me laugh the hardest will win a prize. :)


What do you mean I can't put the sauce on with my mouth?

Posted by Hello

WTBT Volume 5

We're taking bets that...

* blogging is the hip thing to do.
* this is going to be a fantastic football season.
* there are not too many things creepier than an adult talking to a cat like it is a 4 month old baby.
* the best way to avoid arrest is for the paddywagon to be full. :)
* Andy Roddick may be hot, but that wasn't good enough in this years US Open.
* Donald Trump has officially passed the line of egomaniac and gone right into Freakazoid.
* the Hockey World Championships are going right now and no one except Canadians and Scandanavians care.
* people might think that living is Compton is scary, but I would live there in a second over anywhere in Israel right now.
* the Miami Dolphins will have a hard time winning one game this season.
* this may be one of the worse times for new movies.
* it is great that Clyde Drexler of Phi Slamma Jamma made the Basketball Hall of Fame.
* Carson Palmer is the real thing and the Bengals might actually make the playoffs this year.
* it is maddening that Barry Manilow sang, but did not write "I Write the Songs."
* the next two weekends will be the most exciting baseball has seen in a decade.
* the Star Wars DVD should be on everyone's purchase list for next week. Remember, although I refuse to acknowledge it I have a birthday coming up. Hint Hint Hint!!!
* Joe Gibbs may be the best coach ever in the history of the NFL.
* only Utah could pass a law that prohibits Santa Claus from flying over their airspace on Christmas Eve.
* getting up to go to the gym is a lot harder than it sounds.
* you have never seen anything as crazy in football as the last :03 seconds of the first half of the Broncos/Chiefs game.
* it is about time for Florida to catch a break and not have another hurricane ravish it.
* Pat Summerall should retire and not be announcing Sunday Night Football on ESPN.
* fark.com is a fantastic website.
* it is very easy to become obsessed with Fantasy Football.
* Ichiro will probably break George Sisler's hit record, but it is a damn shame.
* making up your own captions to newspaper photos is a lot more fun than reading the ones they came up with.
* UML Mens Soccer could bring UML its first National Championship since 1988.
* everyone should read the story of ex-Lowell Spinner Abe Alvarez. Gangbanger? Try Modest Abe.
* no matter what you think if you were damned if you did then you were definitely damned if you didn't.
* Notre Dame does have actually have God on their side; especially after beating Michigan this weekend.
* there is nothing like being at a live football game with 35,000+ fans.
* you don't know where this movie line is from... "To a cop the explanation's always simple. There's no mystery to the street, no arch criminal behind it all. If you find a body and you think his brother did it, you're gonna find out you're right."
* the cast of Happy Days never needed to have a reunion, but alas they will.
* Manny Rameriz is the best player in the AL and only Barry Bonds is a better hitter in all of baseball.

We're taking bets that the support our troops ribbons on cars are just too much...

Of course this may be an improper topic for 9/11, but things may be getting out of hand. I support our troops as much as the next person, but I don't need to put a big bright yellow ribbon magnet on my car with words that no one can read unless they have crashed into me. Support our troops by attending rallys or not protesting GWB or going to one of the million 9/11 activities that will happen today.

We have all become driving billboards and it is time for it to stop. When you have something to say just say it!!! Stand on a freaking soapbox or rooftop and shout it out, but don't make my driving experience all about your issues. I don't care if your son or daughter is an honor student or if your child can beat up that other person's child. I probably can beat all of you up and not break a sweat. (I know a special martial arts called FUK U) We used to have a certain amount of I don't care what is going on in your lives, but now our cars tell everything about us. I now know if someone is a GWB supporter, vegan, Patriots fan, supports abortion and is a grandparent. The only thing that I have ever cared about in a car window is what colleges did you attend or hope to attend and do you have a parking sticker because if you don't I will get your car towed.

Am I less patriotic? Do I not care about the issues of the day because my car doesn't state every little thing that I am? Everyone can do whatever they freaking want to do on their property, but don't cause my ADHD self to crash my car because I am too busy reading what is on your bumper.

By the way if you really want to support the troops get your magnet here. stupid yellow magnet

We're taking bets that it doesn't get much better than this for New England Sports Fans...

Holy Mackerel!!! I always wanted to say that. So last night was the kickoff to the 2004 NFL Season and I am totally psyched!!! I am as giddy as a Star Trek geek meeting William Shatner. I mean all major sports are either starting or ending their seasons. There may not be a better time of year for sports. I challenge you to find one.

The New England Patriots won their 16 straight game over the poor Indianapolis Colts 27-24. It does not seem possible. Mike Vanderjagt(pronounced Van-der-jack) who is about as reliable as a bird pooping outside missed a game tying field goal with 20 seconds left. It doesn't get too much more exciting than that unless is was Adam Vinateri kicking a game winning field goal. (Which he would have made easily) Now the rest of the NFL has to try and top the most exciting game of the season. It may not happen, but I am sure looking forward to seeing if they can.

The Boston Red Sox lost last night and that is okay because the have won 20 of 22 games and are just looking to start another streak tonight. We are in the midst of two exciting playoff races in baseball. Next week the Yankee-Red Sox rivalry will go into full swing and make people forget about football for at least 3 hours. Then the playoffs start and the riots begin. (They was just a large gathering here in Lowell, but we like to call it a riot none the less.)

College Football is in full swing and I have tickets to see the UCONN Huskies play Duke tomorrow at Rentschler Field or the Wrench as I like to call it. UCONN will finally make college football exciting in New England. It may take about 3 or 4 more years, but they will consistently be going for the National Championship. Mark my words. (I always wanted to say that too.) Plus with USC, LSU and Oklahoma fighting it out for the national Championship this year it should be a great season. I also think now is the time to predict that Cal will win the National Championship. Crazy prediction I know, but I have a feeling.

Come early November College Basketball will start and we will get to see if UCONN can defend their titles. Oh yes I did say "titles" plural. The only person who has had that much success with two items at the same time is Ken Wahl(of TV's Wiseguy fame) with Playboy's Barbie Twins. Plus for us Lowellaputians we get to see if the UML Riverhawks can rebound from losing Division 2 National Player of the Year Elad Inbar. I think they can win the NE-10 again.

Now with the NBA, NHL (Maybe) and all college sports there is could not be a better time for sports. I love the fall. Ever year it puts me on the edge of my seat waiting to find out what is going to happen just like when I waited a few years to see what would happen to Han Solo after he was frozen. New England count your blessings because it doesn't get much better than this... UNTIL NEXT YEAR!!! :)

We're taking bets that the US wastes way too much money

Alright I know that this is an easy topic that is like shooting fish in a barrel, but after news of the Genesis probe falling to the ground I needed to make comment. The US spent $260 million on a space probe that plummeted to the Earth because its parachute did not open. You would think for $260 million we could get a parachute to open.

Heck, I spent $1.50 on one of those army guys that you throw in the air and his parachute opened. Do you think that toy manufacturers are more talented than NASA Engineers? At least they make a cheap reliable product. NASA could of at least spent that money on Alex Rodriguez to play shortstop for them for ten years. I mean that kind of spending money makes sense. Well no it doesn't but at least he should last for ten years and I bet his glove will open when the ball comes to him.

We have so much waste in the US regarding how we spend our money. We would rather pay $80 a ticket to watch NHL Hockey then give $1 to the homeless girl on the street who really needs the money. George Steinbrenner wastes more money on washed up ballplayers like Darryl Strawberry and Dwight Gooden than most of us will make in our lifetimes. Hell I even buy at least one DVD a week, but don't have enough money to pay attention. Could we at least think about how we are spending our money before we do it? $260 million on a space probe to find out the beginnings of our universe... does it really matter. Can't we spend $260 million on a way to get some of these stupid reality TV shows off the air?

Waste not want not. I don't know what the hell that means, but I think the US motto should now be Waste Everything Want Everything. Remember change starts with you and the next time you are going to waste your money buy the little army guy or a my little pony. They are much more fun and will always make you smile.

WTBT Movie Contest...

This is my movie contest. Here is an example "You had me hello." The answer is "Jerry Maguire" and Renee Zellweger This monthly column will test how well you know your movies. I will include 15 lines below. You need to name the movie and actor(s) who said it. Sometimes I will include the character's name(s) who said it. Some of them will be easy and some will be difficult. They will rang from the 50's to today and from any type of movie. E-mail me your answers to Gregory_Madrid@uml.edu by . I will declare a winner on Tuesday morning. The top 3 people will win a special prize that I will mail to you. I will also post all of the answers in the comments section on Tuesday evening. Remember you don't have to be perfect to win. Everyone has a shot. Have fun.

Good luck to everyone. Please comment if you like this column.

PS - You should try to not use GOOGLE or another search engine. I won't know the truth, but the guilt should get to you. :)

We're taking bets that...

* Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast!

* When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake.

* Bernie : Are you getting serious? Well, she seemed like a hell of a girl. From what little I saw of her. Not too this. Not too that. Very kind of, um, what?... Ah, what the fuck, I only saw her for a minute. First impressions of this kind can often be misleading. Does she give head?

* Neil : For the first time in my life, I know what I want to do! And for the first time, I'm going to DO IT! Whether my father wants me to or not! Carpe diem!

* You're so full of shit, you're gonna float away.

* Raymond: I'm an excellent driver. (THIS IS EASY!!!)

* - So, do you come to Milwaukee often?
- Well, I'm a regular visitor here, but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers began visiting here in the late 16th century.
- Hey, isn't "Milwaukee" an Indian name?
- Yes, Pete, it is. In fact , it's pronounced "mill-e-wah-que" which is Algonquin for "the good land."
- I was not aware of that.

* Where do you want to be oiled first?

* Kill the brain, and you kill the ghoul. (Original Movie - No actor needed)

* Jamie: Do you guys wanna see my itinerary? Cooper : Do you wanna see my balls?

* She queens. And she vacuums.

* Uh, perhaps you can help me? I'm looking for a love-potion aerosol, that I can spray on a certain Penthouse Pet, to obtain her total submission.

* I don't feel I have to wipe everybody out, Tom. Just my enemies.

* I am Ergo the magnificent. Short in stature, tall in power, narrow of purpose and wide of vision. And I do not travel with peasants and beggars. Goodbye!

* Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told me that if I didn't take Lorraine out that he'd melt my brain.

We're taking bets that I am hating the blog today...

THE BLOG IS EVIL TODAY AND NOT LETTING ME POST!!!!

We're taking bets that I am having blog trouble...

Alright so I have tried twice today to post and the blog has not let me. :( I will be trying again tomorrow. One quick statement about Kobe Bryant though... he may be the luckiest man in the world. He gets off of a criminal case, then gets the girl to agree to not let his statement admitting guilt be used against him in a civil trial. He must eat a lot of Lucky Charms.

We're taking bets that the blog messed up today...

Sorry for no post today. I typed a pretty long dissertation on the dismissal of the charges against Kobe Bryant. Unfortunately when I went to publish the post the screen went blank. So I will try again tomorrow.

We're taking bets that Kobe Bryant must be Irish...

Some people have all of the luck. Kobe Bryant is one of those people. The prosecution dropped their case against him after the woman said she would no longer testify. Colorado must be thrilled because it must of cost them millions in taxpayer money. It would of been a freaking circus. Everyone thought the OJ trial was crazy and that was before the media really knew how to deal with it. Now they are experts and can cover a trial from all angles without even breaking a sweat.

You might of read Kobe Bryant's statement after the dismissal, and I think he may finally get it. (if you haven't read it here it is... http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5890560/?GT1=5100) He will be now and forever a tainted individual to me. Which is an absolute shame because I am a Lakers fan. Does it make it okay to still be a Lakers fan? I mean the entire team did not do something wrong, just Kobe "Backdoor" Bryant. Kobe will probably become just as popular as he was in the past. It is nuts that sports can heal almost all wounds. No one will really care 4 to 5 years from now. While John Smith of Boise, ID will go to jail for the next 10 years of his life. Sports and Money are ultimate ways to be forgiven.

Sorry this wasn't all that funny, but some times taking bets just isn't that funny.