Open Letter to the Makers of Aquafina Bottles,
Dear Aquafina Bottle Makers,
For the second time in less than a week I have purchased a bottle of your delicious water and for the second time I cannot open it without the help of tools. I needed pliers, scissors and a machete to be able to drink your product.
I understand that you are one of the few bottlers of water that puts a seal on the product. I understand that more than 3 oz. of water cannot be brought on planes because of security risks. You want your product to be secure and safe; which is very admirable. What I don't understand is the fact that I can get into a bottle of aspirin, Prozac, or crack cocaine, but I cannot drink your product.
It does say on your bottle not to drink if the seal is broken, but how would I be able to even know if the seal was broken. I cannot even get the top off. I know that some of you are laughing and saying that I am a weakling, but I had numerous people (men & women) try to open the bottle. One person even suggested I poke a hole in the side and shotgun it like a beer. Now I almost cut myself opening the bottle and sure I could have returned it, but I was on a mission.
Is it possible that you make your bottle tops so that they can be opened by 6 year olds? If you are wondering why I chose 6 year olds, it is because they are now in school and should be able to open certain things on their own. I mean juice boxes can be opened by 2 year olds with a little bit of dexterity and a pointy straw. It will make our lives a lot easier. Thank you for being concerned about our safety, I am going to eat some spinach now. I hope that is safe. :)
8 comments:
You are wicked funny.
And also, don't discount the complex nature of opening a juice box. Have you ever tried Capri Sun? Sometimes, you just have to cut those suckers open instead of using the straw...
You know, it works if you use your teeth and bite it like I am in an old western movie. At least, thats what they tell me...
Thanks for the morning laugh, Greg. That was awesome. Though... I am wondering when you last tried crack cocaine. ;)
And Lisa's right about those Capri Sun containers... only for me it's more the challenge of poking the straw in without using too much pressure in the hand holding the juice pouch so as to not squirt it all over myself when the hole is poked.
Lisa & Danielle - Capri Suns are messy, but they are never hard to open. I still think the pointy straw is dangerous and could kill someone.
Tom - I did try the teeth thing and had to stop because I honestly thought I was going to break every one of my teeth.
Danielle - Didn't you know that is why I could stay up all those hours and still function? :)
Crack cocaine comes in a bottle? Hmm, interesting. :)
You know, you could have offered a bit to those of us relying on coffee alone, Greg. :) (JK)
Niamh - If you know where to get it is does.
Sorry Danielle, but I have to save all I can get because I am sacrificing DVD money to get my special stash. :)
I had that exact problem today and nearly threw it into Heptatitis Creek out of complete rage. And for that I will remain anonymous.
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