We're taking bets that BCS stands for Big Crappy System...

Even if you are not a College football fan you can appreciate the craziness that is the Bowl Championship Series (BCS) this year. There are 5 teams that are undefeated this year in College Football. Only two teams get to play for the "National Championship" and the others get relegated to another BCS bowl. Or in Boise State's case the Liberty Bowl against Louisville which might be the best team in the country, but played one average game against Miami and lost.

Now I have probably lost a bunch of you already so let me put this in terms that you can understand. It is kind of like if the top two singers of American Idol get voted off early because white America wants the Hawaiian chick to win. Oh wait that happened. It is more like the TV Producers of Friends could only keep two of the Friends including Gunther, Mr. & Mrs. Geller and Phoebe's husband. They decide to use a TV critics poll, 6 obscure internet sites that decide who the best characters are based on clothing and hairstyles. Even though Gunther is one of the true gems of the show you know that he has no shot. Everyone knows it is probably going to be Ross and Rachel, but so many people think that Joey had a great couple of seasons. Everyone just wishes that they all could get a chance in some sort of playoff system where maybe the audience votes or something. This is what College Football Fans are dealing with this year. Could you even imagine if this happen in TV Land?

The undefeated teams are USC, Oklahoma, Auburn, Utah and Boise State. Utah and Boise State don't matter because they are not one of the precious BCS Conferences so they are going to get the shaft no matter what. The BCS has even gone on record as saying that they would not even consider putting Utah against Auburn if they both remain undefeated. That would be like saying that CSI couldn't go on the air Thursday nights because ER is going to beat it. Looking back that would have been a huge mistake.

The reason we don't have a playoff is because the college presidents of the major football schools say it would be too tough for kids with finals. Funny thing is that Division 1-AA, Division 2 and Division 3 football all have a playoff system that is completed before Christmas. Last I checked if schools who actually make education important can do that so can Division 1-A. The sad thing is that everything is about money and the Big Conferences are not going to give that up and let the little guys get some play. It is always about money.

So this upcoming football weekend I am praying for 3 things to happen. USC plays UCLA, Oklahoma plays Colorado, and Auburn plays Tennessee. I hope each of these teams lose and the BCS is forced to play Utah vs. Boise State for the National Championship. Oh wait that can't happen because California and Texas are both ahead of Utah in the BCS rankings and they would play for the title. UGH!!!

We're taking bets that guys can be freaky protective...

What is it about men who are in relationships? They seem to be afraid of every guy that walks near their beau. Usually they then get touchy to show everyone that they are a couple. Half of the time you don't really notice, but the other half of the time it is kind of overboard. I think that if guys could they would pee on their women's leg to mark their territory.

Now I am an average looking guy. I am overweight, but not in a disgusting way yet. I am definitely not a threat to guys, but even I can illicit the "MY GIRLFRIEND! STAY AWAY" reaction. I was in my local Starbucks waiting to order an Egg Nog Latte when the guy in front of my looked in my direction. I thought it was odd, but then he grabbed his girlfriend's hand and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Now this didn't seem to be a normal thing for him, because she looked at him like he was crazy and said, "What's up with you?" I actually laughed out loud. I was not looking to break up his relationship, but rather just wanted some coffee. Why do we have to be so insecure about our relationships? Women may be even worse, but they come right out and say things to other women. Guys just try to mark their territory. Is it this way in the gay community as well? I wonder.

To all guys in relationships out there... I AM NOT A THREAT!!! Let me live my life without acting weird around me. Currently I am not even a squirrel trying to get a nut, but rather I have decided to hibernate for the winter. Remember the girl is with you for a reason don't overreact and pee on them. (Unless that is what you are into and to that I say GROSS!!)

We're taking bets that Charlie Brown has nothing on me...

So I started my Charlie Brown Christmas yesterday. Every year I need to get a real Christmas Tree. It is very important to me. A fake Christmas Tree just doesn't do it. I have experienced a fake tree and it is kind of like fake boobs. They are nice to look at, but they just don't feel right. There is something special about a real Christmas Tree. It has a great smell that you just can't duplicate. It makes me feel like Christmas is actually on its way.

I went to on my annual Christmas Tree trip to the Loop in Methuen. It started because Danielle Cochrane had suggested a tree farm in the area. Well I got completely lost the first time and ended up seeing a movie and going to Home Depot. Home Depot has some great trees and it is pretty much a no hassle shopping trip. I saw National Treasure, which was a great movie. The ending was a little disappointing, but overall it was very good. That Bruckheimer does such a great job producing movies.

I then went to Home Depot and found the perfect tree. It really was great; full in every area with one spot that I could hide if turned it the right way. The last two years I have lived in the lap of luxury with a high ceiling that allowed me to get a pretty tall tree. Not tall like Chevy Chase's Christmas Vacation but tall for a single guy living in an apartment. I have since moved to a smaller apartment with much lower ceilings.

All of this would have been great to remember when I was buying the tree. So I brought the tree home in my SUV; which wasn't as convenient as I thought it would be. The tree was a little too long for the car and I had to bring it all the way to the front. Putting it on the top would have made sense, but I rarely make sense. After almost crashing 5 or 6 times I made it home. I got it upstairs and took out my Christmas Tree Saw to cut the bottom so I could water the tree. I cut of about 6 inches and tried to put the tree in my room. It was about a foot and a half too big.

My tree is now a distant memory of what it was. I had to cut a bunch of branches off the bottom and about another foot and a half. It has a small gap that I am trying to hide with ornaments, but I don't think I am being that successful. I wouldn't trade it for a fake tree, but it is a little disappointing. At least it can only get better from here. Thankfully, the Christmas season is always a joy. I am now going to go outside and wait for Lucy to pull the ball away when I try to kick it.

We're taking bets that you don't get funnier on Thanksgiving than this...

This is a clip from the Thanksgiving episode of WKRP. It is only audio unfortunately, but it is funny none the less. Enjoy.

Turkeys Away Then click the audio file. It is hilarious. :)

WTBT Volume Fourteen

We're taking bets that...

* being right isn't all that it is cracked up to be.
* you can't believe it has been 20 years since Doug Flutie's Hail Mary pass to Gerald Phelan that beat Miami.
* Thanksgiving is the one holiday that only turkeys can get upset about.
* the Chicago Bulls may have trouble winning 5 games this year.
* you are excited about all the great DVD releases over the next 4 weeks.
* it is creepy that Mariah Carey wants to be called Mimi now.
* football on Thanksgiving just doesn't create that much excitement with the Cowboys and Lions. Maybe it is time to give other teams a chance.
- SPECIAL NBA BRAWL SECTION
* the players never should have gone into the stands.
* Ron Artest may be the crazier than Latrell Sprewell and he choked his coach.
* Ben Wallace got off easy because he started the entire thing and kept escalating it.
* you are going to think twice about going to your next NBA if you have good seats.
* the Indiana Pacers chances of winning a World Championship are probably gone.
* the Detroit fans should get punished too.
* Jim Gray is always in the right place for bad things to happen and him to get the interview.
* this was bound to happen.
* you haven't seen that many good punches in a heavyweight fight over the last 5 years.
* the NBA will never be the same.
- SPECIAL NBA BRAWL SECTION
* since no one really watches CBS news Dan Rather isn't going to be missed.
* it is going to be a little more expensive to see a Red Sox game next year.
* you better be careful if you are a hunter in Wisconsin.
* this is why you always have to be nice to housekeepers. Housekeeper leaves millions to school.
* U2 is one of the best bands for fans. What a great surprise concert yesterday in NYC.
* the Red Sox are going to miss Gabe Kapler.
* postpartum depression is very scary as seen by the lady who severed the arms off of her baby girl.
* UML Hockey is bound to start winning some of its close games.

We're taking bets that I still get choked up...

Everyone has a television show, movie or song that always gets them emotional. Whether it is a warm fuzzy feeling or tears we all have it. For me it is on the show Friends when Ross first kisses Rachel. Many people who knew me when it was first on know that I had a small obsession with the show. I have since mellowed a little. Though everytime I see that episode I will stop what I am doing and watch it in its entirety. Kind of like most people are when Shawshank Redemption or Christmas Story come on. I know it is the hopeless romantic in me, but I think it is a great scene.

I am wondering what everyone else has for their TV, Movie or Song that gets them emotional. Please make a comment. I will leave this up until I have 10 comments, because I think it is important now that the holidays are coming up to be a little emotional. :)

We're taking bets that I knew there was good news this week...

So, I wrote about a major tragedy a few days ago. I now at least a few of you teared up. A couple of you may have straight out bawled. Well I have some great news for all you beer drinkers. Beer may be the fountain of youth. Thank God for the Germans who just like Americans spend their time researching stupid things and come up with great results. Here is the story - Beer = Anti-Aging?

The one funny thing that I saw in the entire article was the fact that the company needed to say please be advised there is alcohol in this product. Duh. It isn't called milk. They probably should also say if you drink too much you might get drunk. Just a thought.

I hope everyone is doing well. Talk to you all soon.

WTBT Volume 13

We're taking bets that...

* Tara Reid's new nickname should be "Nipple" after her showing at P. Diddy's Party. (Sorry Shaun Phelan you will have to give the nickname up.)
* the Red Sox HAVE TO sign Jason Varitek in order to be a competitive team again next year.
* you cannot beat ABC's Monday Night Football intro with Nicollette Sheridan and T.O. That was pure entertainment.
* if you don't read The Sports Guy on a regular basis you are really missing out not only on great sports talk but fun pop culture talk - Past & Present.
* Anna Nicole Smith is becoming your favorite TV drunk. The American Music Awards may have put them over the top.
* it is time for Evander Holyfield to retire. Give it up buddy you are making your career seem weak by hanging on and losing badly.
* it's a vicious cycle.
* Lebron is the legit heir to Jordan's throne.
* Colin Powell was a good Secretary of State, but he was no Madeline Albright.
* there is something very appalling about this story. Virgin Mary Sandwich
* Kobe is going to start missing Shaq very soon.
* Star Jones is a freak and her husband is in for a rough time.
* Big Ben is going to make it tough for the New England Patriots to repeat as Super Bowl Champions.
* the Frog Pond is open for business in Boston and if you are looking for something fun to do you can't beat skating there.
* UML Hockey is going to make a ton of noise in the Hockey East before this season is over.
* you don't want to get sick in NYC now that David Lee Roth is training to be a paramedic there. * Barry Bonds is the best overall player ever and it doesn't matter what happens with BALCO.
* it is upsetting that Lindsay Lohan probably broke Fez's heart, but at least they are still friends.
* Pedro Martinez in a Yankee uniform is not a good thing.
* with Disney starting production on Toy Story 3 we have reached the point of no more good ideas.

We're taking bets that there are not many stories more upsetting...

I can barely type. I can't believe that this happened. It is such a tragedy. It is much worse than Vice-President Cheney having shortness of breath. There are not many things in this world that can bring tears to my eyes like this. Please be careful when reading. If you are under 21 you may not want to read it.

Major Tragedy

:)

We're taking bets that MTV's Battle of the Sexes has it right...

We have way too much violence and war in the world. I don't think that anyone can really debate this fact, except for maybe GWB's friends who own defense contracts. I think that I have found a fair way to solve all conflicts and all I had to do was watch TV. :)

Every single day MTV shows the Real World vs. Road Rules Battle of the Sexes. A bunch of contestants from past shows compete in inane activities that anyone can win. Most of the activities are a little humiliating and that makes it all the more fun. This past week each group had to make a boat out of a bunch of items that were referred to as junk. I don't know how my PVC pipe and Styrofoam you have laying around your house, but it was junk to them. The women inexplicably beat the men because well the men were idiots. By the way everyone is scantily clad in every episode with boob jobs and asses hanging out everywhere.

I think that this would be a great way to solve issues in the world. Just think the Iraqis would pick their top 15 leaders and the United States would have picked ours. They would then compete in 9 events and each week the team would vote off the weakest link. Then the remaining 6 on each team would compete in some sort of obstacle course to determine the winner. I also think there could be some trivia to shave off some of your time at the beginning. We could film it and it would also be a hit TV show. Can't you imagine Dick Cheney trying to backstab Colin Powell just so he could be there in the last round? I also could see Johnny Mosely as host telling Saddam Hussein that the Iraqis got a penalty for breaking the rules. Oh the fun.

It would be so much more entertaining and a lot less violent than our current system. I think that I am going to pitch it to that Bunim guy who came up with The Real World and Road Rules. If anyone can make it happen I think he could. Either that or we could start some sort of internet campaign to make it happen. Anyway, give me a shout or just say hi.

We're taking bets that it is about time a Hispanic got a high ranking post...

Being 1/2 Hispanic it makes me very happy that George W. Bush chose Alberto Gonzales as John Ashcroft's successor. Gonzo (as I heard his friends call him though Berty may also be a nickname) may not be the best choice and he has a ton of ACLU things to answer for, but he may be alright. Yes you have heard me right I am applauding GWB and one of his decisions. Now I am sure there will be some small scandal associated with Gonzo, such as hiring illegal Dutch immigrants as housekeepers or sleeping with a white woman. You know all of the bad things that he may have done. :) You have to figure that there is some way that "THE MAN" is going to try and hold him down. He's just got to keep on moving. Most Hispanics are wily that way. I think he will get appointed. Go Gonzo!!! I have faith in you!!! For Hispanics across this nation I salute you.

(Please do not take this entirely seriously. It is satire & I think it is funny. If you don't that is your problem.)

We're taking bets that editorials are fun...

So I wrote an editorial a few days after the Red Sox won the World Series. It was in response to the Lowell Police Chief wanting people that were identified as troublemakers to be expelled from the University. Since the World Series was two weeks ago I figured it not going to get into the paper. Well, in the Sunday my editorial was printed. Now I need to worry that I could get in trouble with the University because I may not have been supportive of the city. Hopefully it won't get me reprimanded. Read the editorial and give me your comments.

GMAD Reprimanded Police Chief

WTBT Volume Twelve

We're taking bets that...

* the New England Patriots may be creative enough to have started another 11 game win streak.
* The Incredibles is spectacular and Disney better get on the ball to sign a contract with Pixar.
* even if you hate the Pittsburgh Steelers you have to be impressed with their recent accomplishments.
* R. Kelly gets crazier as time goes by and he may challenge Michael Jackson with craziness by the time his career is over.
* Jude Law is a great actor who will never be able to carry a movie by himself.
* no one will really care about the NBA season until after Christmas.
* this guy needs to get a grip. Man Holds Special Olympics Bus Hostage
* if David Ortiz keeps hitting home runs like he did in Japan the American League better look out.
* UMass Lowell is the place to be if you want to succeed in NCAA Division 2 athletics.
* the only word for this story is DISGUSTING!!!
* the NHL All-Star game has been cancelled and you still don't care.
* the one positive out of the election is that Jon Stewart will have tons of great material for the next four years.
* the UCONN Husky women can do it again this year in women's NCAA basketball.
* you are extremely excited that you have new Simpsons episodes for the rest of year on Sunday nights.

We're taking bets that the littlest things can make you happy...

This is a simple blog, but I just wanted to tell you three things I heard this week that made me happy the last few weeks. You may not get the context, but they made me happy.

"My boobs feel really big."

"He was just saying those things to impress me."

"She knows the ins and outs of sex toys."

They may not be funny to you, but I am sure you can find ways to make them funny. Everyone needs to look for the humor in life. Things are said everyday that are absolutely hilarious or at the very least make you smile. Listen carefully to others because you never know when you could get an opportunity to smile.

We're taking bets that voting still mattered...

So George W. Bush (GWB) won the election in case any of you did not know. For me this is a small tragedy, but I will get over it and hope that in four years we will get a Democrat into the White House or maybe even a Republican that I like. I want to just remind everyone that your vote still mattered even if you didn't like the outcome.

It is funny though that so many more people got out to vote this year and that was supposed to be so beneficial for Kerry. It is kind of like being told that if you smile at everyone you will have more sex. So everyone goes out the next day smiling like a fool and most people don't have more sex. Basically it was beneficial for the country to have over 110 million people vote, but on a whole we didn't get a ton out of it. Though I guess that is hypocritical because your vote was your voice, so you were able to express yourself. I just hope that 110 million people vote next November even if it is not a presidential election. Your vote does matter no matter what you think.

We're taking bets that voting doesn't get much more ghetto than in Lowell, MA...

So I voted today in Lowell, MA. It was quite an experience as I voted in the Masonic Center near the Lowell Police Station. It was held in a big room with 4 tables, a built by High School Wood Shop voting boxes, and two voting machines. White women were everywhere running the show, which I think is funny because we have a high Cambodian and Hispanic population. These women were dressed like they were going to a football game and not like they were election officials. (They were all very nice, but I expected more like when I voted in Boston and everyone was dressed up.)

I gave my name to the nice ladies and they handed me an enormous ballot that had to be at least 11x17 (though I think it was bigger) and a Sharpie with no cap. (So I didn't steal it I guess) I went over to the voting area (imagine study cubicles in a library) and filled in the boxes. I did vote all Democrat, but in my defense there were only 3 races where I could actually decide and 3 races uncontested that were all Democrats. I then gave my name to another lady. She could not find my name in her enormous book of voters in Ward 2 Precinct 1. I showed her my ID and she didn't care to look at it, but just wanted to know what street I lived on. She finally was able to find it as she was looking at the wrong street number and couldn't find my name. I was then instructed to put the ballot in a big machine that I think could also guess your birthday and weight.

That was pretty much it. Then there was a lady outside bitching about how she was asked if she was a first time voter. She thought it was completely inappropriate and none of their "Damn Freaking" business. Thankfully no one asked me an inappropriate question because I would not have been prepared for that. I might have resorted to Jon Stewart tactics and called the person a "dick".

Hopefully we in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts will not experience any of the voter fraud that they will inevitably have in Ohio, Wisconsin and/or Florida. Though as I saw it definitely could be a possibility here in Lowell. Anyway, you have 12 more hours in the East... GET OUT AND VOTE!!!

We're taking bets that it is time to get out and vote...

Tomorrow is election day in the United States. The President of the United States will be decided tomorrow. It is being called the most important election ever. To be quite honest how will anyone know that until many years later?

I know that many of you think that voting is like getting a polio shot... it doesn't really matter anymore no one has polio. I believe that to be completely false. It allows you to be able to bitch and complain about the way things are. If you don't vote I don't want to hear one single word from you about the state of the union. You missed your opportunity to have the biggest part of free speech you can have. Now you need to shut your mouth for the next four years.

So I don't care if you are in a swing state or not, wealthy or poor, a Democrat or Republican... GET OUT AND VOTE TOMORROW!!!