We're taking bets that Dane Cook is a silly bitch...

On Tuesday July 26th the first ever Double CD and DVD comedy disc came out. It was put out by one of the best stand-up comedian's of the 90's/00's generation Dane Cook. This will probably be a very biased view because I have been a fan of Dane since 1995. I have seen him 4 times in the last 12 months. So you can say that I am a big fan. That being said here is my review.

Retaliation is made up of 2 CD's and one DVD. Each disc has its own name. Disc One(CD) is WANT, Disc Two(CD) is NEED, and Disc Three(DVD) is HAVE. The discs are special in their own way.

WANT has you laughing from the second you put it in. Legacy and the Heist/Monkey bits are probably some of his best bits. He is absolutely no holds barred on this disc. My favorite moment is how he dealt with a heckler and his response after. He able to go with the flow and never stops being funny. Dane also does some new bits that definitely kill the audience. I think everyone will now want to be a BAMF.

NEED starts out with some older material that has been scene on some of his television appearences. It definitely works especially the Friend That Nobody Likes. It is funny because it is true. He then busts out with some great new material about Love. Exaggerating GF/Bachelor will leave you rolling in the aisle.

HAVE is probably the most disappointing of the set. The Shorties Watching Shorties is a hilarious cartoony view of his material. The Crank Yankers' stuff is not all that funny. Most disappointing is the unedited version of the Dennis Leary roast. Dane was not having his best night and only had a couple of funny bits. The Ed Lover/Dr. Dre comment was pretty funny. The exciting thing about the HAVE DVD was the teaser for the TOURGASM DVD that will be coming out this fall. This should be one of the best comedy Documentaries ever. It follows Dane with 3 other comedians(Jay Davis, Gary Gulman, & Robert Kelly) who do 20 shows in 30 days. It looks like a riot.

Retaliation is out nationwide selling for $14.99. It is absolutely worth every penny. Go out and buy it now so the DaneTrain can keep his funny rolling into our hearts. :)

We're taking bets that it is time for a break...

WTBT will be on hiatus until Sunday. As we approach our 300th column and the one year anniversary we will be doing some new features. I am looking for feedback of this site. Do people enjoy the Friday questions? Is the Hottie of the Week worth it? Should there be two original WTBT's a week as opposed to just the one normally? Are the Movie and Music quizzes fun? These and many more questions can be explored in the comments section. All suggestions will be taken under consideration except for ones that ask me to stop. Those will get a BIG FU! :) Thanks to all my readers for your help.

Side note to add. Principals and teachers do a wonderful job educating the youth of the nation. I would also like to say that about 40% of them are arrogant pricks who think that can treat people however the fuck they want. Just because you teach or are more "book" educated than another person does not mean you are smarter. If you are a teacher or deciding to become one remember that you are not the only ones helping to educate children. Custodians, food service staff and tradesmen work hard to keep the buildings functioning and help to meet the basic needs of children. If you don't have AC too fucking bad because most of the world doesn't. People are working to fix your problem, but not everything is fixed immediately. - Thank you.

We're taking bets that you know you've had a bad haircut when you stand up in the chair and say, "What are you doing?"...

WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I GET A GOOD HAIRCUT IN THE WESTERN MA/NORTHERN CT AREA? There are not a lot of things that I look at on myself and say that I love this feature about myself. With that being said I have always liked my hair. It is probably because when I was little I got complimented by a hair dresser that my Mom took me to and she said I had great hair. This has actually happened many times since by hair dressers from around the New England area. I try my best to take care of my hair. I know it is nothing spectacular, but I condition regularly and try to use a gentle shampoo.

For the last 4 1/2 years I have been getting my hair cut here. They always treated me well and I got exactly what I wanted from my hair cut. It was $15 and it included a wash(which every guy should get because it feels great). Now that I have moved back I have gotten 4 haircuts and only 2 of them were good and the other 2 were just average. I made the huge mistake of going into Mastercuts. I had went their once before and got a pretty good cut so I thought I would try it again. I got the same lady and was figuring this was going to be quick and easy. Unfortunately I was right.

I asked the lady to use "zero" on the sides with a fade and just trim a little off of the top. I believe, but I am not positive that I even said not too short. She did fine with the sides and was doing a pretty good job on the fade and then it happened. She has to switched to the "2" attachment on the trimmer, which I thought was just finish off the fade.

So, she started on the side and then in a moment that I will never forget she started to shave the top of my head with the trimmer. I was in disbelief and hoped that I could stop it. I stood up and exclaimed, "What are you doing?!?". Yes I exclaimed and I believe that both of my arms waved frantically in the air if you all must know. The lady then said, "What?" I said I asked for just a trim on the top. She said "Oh."

I am not sure what the proper response is at that point, but "Oh" is not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear "I'm sorry" or "I will give you free bad haircuts for the next year." She then said I am not done and it will look better. Since I didn't want a haircut that looked like it was done by Fudge from Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing. I had to have her finish it and paid her for it. (I know I shouldn't have paid for it, but what if you made a mistake at work and they didn't pay you.) I now look like a fuzzy peach.

Ugh. I will now go back to driving an hour and a half to Lowell to get my haircut. It may sound ridiculous, but these are the measures people with good hair have to go to. I know it will grow out, but no one wants to hear that. Especially women, so guys don't try that line. Just sympathize with them and snicker when you are sure you are alone.

Side note: CONGRATS TO DANIELLE & STEVE on their engagement. Very happy for the both of them. Danielle is a good friend, avid blog reader & commenter and my best Leitch ARD evah. Smiles and hugs to you.

We're taking bets that I cannot tell a lie... I did chop down that cherry tree..

No one would mistake me for Paul Bunyan. Well except for the fact that I have a blue ox. (Oops not supposed to mention my imaginary pets.) That being said my parents wanted to have one of the trees near their pool cut down. It blocks some of the afternoon sun and litters the pool with leaves and branches. So I said that I thought we could take care of it. I may have even said, "No Problem." Oh what a mistake that would be.

The tree is about 45 feet tall and over 38 years old. (This was determined much later.) So we started by cutting a few of the lower lying branches. These were relatively simple and I used the old rickety wooden ladder and a simple saw. We then decided that we would tackle the upper 1/3 of the tree.

Now the upper part of the tree leans toward the pool. We tied a rope to the upper part of the tree, which my mother and father were pulling towards the other side of the yard away from the pool. My brother held the rickety ladder and I went up the tree with the chainsaw. I am now 20 to 25 feet in the air with a chainsaw in one hand and a rickety ladder in the other. Now we had discussions of making a wedge cut into the tree, but I thought we had decided just to make a diagonal cut up the tree. This was again a mistake in judgment.

The chainsaw was making a quick incision into the tree. There was then a large cracking noise over the sound of the chainsaw. I looked up and saw that the tree was careening down towards me. My parents pulling was useless and now death was looking at me with bark in it's eyes. I let go of the button on chainsaw and deftly moved to the right of the falling tree. It just grazed me and gave me some minor scrapes. About 8 feet of the tree went into the pool, while the rest of the tree hung on for dear life. The chainsaw got stuck in the tree. Once my family noticed I was still on the rickety ladder their main concern was for the pool fence. Of course I could have been on the rickety ladder in shock with my hand cut off and no one would have noticed, but that is alright. I am not bitter. :)

Although we ended up winning the battle with the tree in the end it definitely won the first round. I would suggest to everyone that unless the tree is under 20 feet tall get a professional to cut down the tree. With that being said it did feel good to accomplish something dangerous without killing myself. Evil Knievel I am not. Super Dave maybe.

We're taking bets that the time for Retaliation is here...

I apologize for everyone who is waiting for my near death experience, but it has been a very busy week. A little preview is TREE 1 GREG 0.

Now to important business. Dane Cook's new double disc CD/DVD RETALIATION is now in stores. Run out and buy it and listen to it like crazy. It will be a freaking riot. I will be doing a review of it on Sunday. Have a great day. Hopefully I will get to blog more later tonight. In the mean time I am off to fight a monkey. Toodles.

We're taking bets that actions speak louder than words...

It has been quite the interesting weekend. I had major car trouble on my way to Lowell and never ended up getting there. I bought an interesting book called The Historian. Ended up seeing The Island. There is something wonderful to be said about a no nonsense action movie. Michael Bay is probably become the foremost director of action movies today. You did not need to think too much in this movie and the action scenes were incredible. Scarlett Johannsson is a hottie from another planet. I highly recommend that everyone go see it. Ladies Ewan McGregor is in it too so there is some eye candy for you as well. Tomorrow I will enlighten everyone with my near death experience.

We're taking bets that Hottie of the Week...

Hottie Shawnee Smith previously from the TV Show Becker. She was also in the movie Saw. She is a wicked hottie briefly in The Island starring as Steve Buscemi's girlfriend. Not a spectacular hottie, but nice girl next door who can dress slutty once in a while. :)

We're taking bets that Friday is a time for a question

Once again Friday has arrived and it is time for WTBT's weekly question. I hope that everyone enjoys. Have a great weekend.

A. If you could have a secret camera in any room in the world, what room would you put it in?

B. If you could have the world's largest collection of one thing, what would it be?

Answers:

A. I think that I would put a secret camera in the room that the President makes most of his decisions. It would be neat to find out the information he/she has before a decision is made.

B. I would like the world's largest collection of DVD's that way I could watch any movie at any time I wanted. I am trying, but I don't have quite the number needed for the largest collection.

We're taking bets that Scotty has been beamed up for good...

James Doohan died today at the age of 85. He was best known for being Scotty on the original Star Trek series. He was an amazing master of dialects and also someone who did not need Viagra. He had 9 children from three different wives with his last child coming at the age of 80. It seems like he wasn't telling his wives that, "I'm giving you all I've got Captain." :) I believe he died with a smile on his face.

In other freakish news there is an epidemic amongst the youth of today involving suffocation games. What you say? Yes, I said suffocation games. Better known as "blackout," "funky chicken," "space monkey," "flatliner," "tingling," and "suffocation roulette." Now I have to say what the fuck is going on with our kids today. I did a lot of stupid things as a kid such as bottle rocket tag and setting vegetables on fire and throwing them at others, but nothing as stupid as these near death experiences. Being a parent today just seems to be getting tougher and tougher. To all of my kid readers... Don't Do Drugs and don't fake it by strangling yourself either. There has got to be a better way to get a quick high. How about running in circles until you can't stand anymore. That is cool and at the very least you could only crack your head open on the pavement.

We're taking bets that pigs are people too...

Crime fighters everywhere are mourning the loss of Arnold. Arnold was a big fat pig. He loved donuts like most pigs do and loved to fight crime. Although he was a little bit out of shape he was able to foil robbers at gun-point. Too bad his heart just couldn't take all of the excitement.

We're taking bets that the movie world is crazy...

Here are three stories that prove that movie executives are absolutely nuts.

ET?

Depp as a Woman?

Smurf Comeback?

I am too shocked to even truly comment. Just stew with this for a while.

We're taking bets that cheaters never win...

What is wrong with the world today? Jude Law has cheated on Sienna Miller with his kids nanny. What was wrong with Sienna? She is absolutely gorgeous. She is smart, sexy, and 9 years younger than him. Why did he cheat? Probably because he could. He was caught by his son and turned himself into his ex-wife, who in turned fired the nanny. Now he is apologizing and saying he is going to make it up to her. By doing what? Kobe bought his wife a huge diamond. Maybe that will work for Sienna, but I don't think so. I think that she should have him publically flogged by all of the people that hated Alfie. He won't be able to sit for months. I also think that she should hook up with his mortal enemy Clive Owen. (Not sure this is true, but they are both British and were enemies in Closer. So I think there must be some hatred. Maybe Hugh Grant would be a better choice because a lot of people hate him.) I swear that if you are famous you feel like you can do anything. Granted plenty of other losers(men & women) cheat but celebrities always get caught. Well here is a picture of Sienna Miller because I think she needs some respect. :)

We're taking bets that the chocolate was delicious...

So I went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory this weekend. It was absolutely fantastic. Visually it was stunning and although Johnny Depp was a little weird he really was great. The story line was a little bit different from the original and I think that it made it a little more family friendly. I do have a couple of random thoughts regarding the weekend though...

* Why is it Movie Theaters cannot figure out temperature controls. There is almost never a happy medium at the movie theater. It was about 8 billion degrees in the movie theater on Satuday. Normally during the summer you need to bring a winter coat but this time bikinis and swim trunks were needed. Which really would have been super gross with some of the people there.

* How does leaving a half empty cup save a seat? I guy was trying to save two seats. (One was for him), but he got up and went across the room to talk to friends. All he left was a half empty cup of soda in the cup holder to save his seat and then he freaked out that people were trying to take his seat. If you are not going to sit in the seats you are saving then you must bring some article of clothing that you can drape across the seats. I think there should be a rule book about this that everyone should know.

* Do you ever notice that the most annoying laughers always sit behind you at the movies? Especially when there is going to be a lot of funny stuff. We happened to sit in front of the family of weird laughers. I think that they didn't know when to laugh so they just did freakish laughs all the time.

* Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is a must read. The entire series is actually a must read. I don't care if you are not a teacher and not 10 years old. You should read these books. No arguments. Just do it.

We're taking bets that Hottie of the Week...

Hottie Maria Sharapova is a tennis superstar. She has a beautiful face with ungodly legs. Anna Kournikova is no longer the reason to watch women's tennis. Maria is. Hopefully she keeps winning and has a career as long as her legs.

We're taking bets that it is question time again...

So Friday is here and questions are abound. I would like to be a little controversial with the first question and hear what people really think. Remember that everyone is entitled to their opinion, so please don't attack people's opinions. The second question will be as fun as always. Please answer them in the comments section.

A. Many people think that smoking cigarettes is a disgusting habit. Others say it is a sad addiction that has been marketed to our youth as cool. What do you think about smoking? Don't hold back in your responses.

B. If you knew that every minute of the next 24 hours of your life would be recorded on camera, is there anything you would change about your habits? Would you do it for free if it gave you infinite fame or would you need to be paid to do it?

Answers:

A. I do think that smoking is a disgusting thing, but it is also something that is very addicting. Many people around the age of 30 were just starting to hear all of the bad things about smoking when they were kids. I think that is awful that kids today start smoking though the cigarette companies are now targeting the less informed urban areas. There just does not seem to be any redeeming qualities in it. What frustrates me is the fact that smokers seem to think it is okay to just throw their cigarettes anywhere they want. Out their car windows... on the grounds... into bubblers... That makes it even worse. Don't even get me started on how awful the smell is. I lived next door to a girl who wore a glove on her smoking hand because she didn't like the way it made her hand smell. The problem was her hand was the only thing that smelled nice because the rest of her smelled like a smoking ass. I feel very sorry for the people who have become addicted, but please try to quit. It will be better for you and better for everyone.

B. I would absolutely not change a thing. I would even do it for free. I mean my life is very boring, but I think it would be a fun time. I probably would sleep for 18 of the hours anyway. Riveting TV. They could call the show the GMAD Follies. :)

We're taking bets that you need to keep crackers close by...

Interesting story for the day. Polly wants a cracker. Owners of birds have perhaps the pets with the biggest flight risk. (No pun intended) It is amazing that these people were able to get their bird back. I would assume that most birds would be gone like the wind when they were out of their cages. Most bird cages are not that big and birds are usually meant to fly free. Except for penguins and ostriches which flying really isn't happening. These people were able to lure the bird with crackers as pizza just wasn't that effective. Thank God for those little elves at Keebler or this would still be a bird on a wire.

WTBT Volume 21...

We're taking bets that...

* most of America's youth will be occupied Saturday with Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.
* with no more baseball in the Olympics the World Baseball Classic is a good idea.
* hearing a 60+ year old women yell on the phone about Viagra is funny.
* there is no way that GWB is not going to pick a Hispanic Supreme Court Justice.
* the Home Run Derby is fun, but it lasts way too long.
* Mariah Carey's boob falling out of her dress was probably a lot more spectacular than Janet Jackson's.
* you are still amazed by Lance Armstrong.
* it could be the war to end all cartoon wars if The Simpsons & Family Guy go head to head.
* I hate Gary Sheffield because he is a fucking punk. How stupid is this guy?
* teenagers are getting the short end of the stick. How ridiculous is this rule?
* it is sad that men are intimidated by a 15 year old girl.
* although couples therapy is probably a good idea Denise Richards is making a mistake taking back Charlie Sheen.
* Tiger Woods will win the British Open by 6 strokes.
* Brad Pitt has malaria.
* I thought you got a "D" in Math.
* the Space Shuttle launch just isn't as exciting as it used to be.
* you are excited that NFL Training Camps are only a few weeks away.

We're taking bets that you were born too early...

Textbooks in schools are starting to become dinosaurs. Issuing laptops to high school students is a scary idea. Not because they should still be using books, but because most of them cannot find their house keys never mind keeping track of their laptops. I wonder how many will be lost or stolen in the first year. Some parents won't be able to afford replacement costs.

It is amazing how fast technology moves. I was one of the few people who brought a computer to college when I went and the internet was barely invented by Al Gore. :) Now two computers are becoming the norm as a laptop is used in class and a tower unit is for the dorm room. Sadly we are now moving away from going to class and having classes on-line. It is pretty tough to skip class when you are in your room while it is on your computer. I sometimes wish I was born a little bit later so that I could reap the benefits of this technology. Maybe I wouldn't have been called a slacker like McFly.

We're taking bets that even puppets can lose stardom...

I think that Thirst from the Sprite commercials had something to do with this. Either that or the pets.com puppet escaped from a mental institution.

We're taking bets that Hottie of the Week...

Hottie Rachel McAdams is super fantastical. She has shown that she can do comedy like in Mean Girls and the new Wedding Crashers. She has proved to be a great romantic lead in The Notebook. She is going to be the next Julia Roberts. She has great hair and a wonderful smile.
Rachel's girl next door look could make any guy follow her around like a puppy.

We're taking bets that cool is as cool does...

As most of the United States gets doused with rain I thought I could give you a couple of fun questions. As always post your answers in the comments section. Have a great rainy Friday!!!

A. The movie War of the Worlds poses the idea that there is intelligent life out beyond Earth. Do you think there is intelligent life out in space or are we the only ones?

B. What is the worst food combination you can think of? An example: baked beans with liver and strawberries...

Answers:

A. Of course there has to be other intelligent life than us. Many of us are too arrogant to think that we are only ones in the Universe.

B. I would have to say that pickles and peanut butter. I love them both separately, but together they must be one of the most disgusting thing ever.

We're taking bets that this is the thunderdome...

Many of you know that I am a huge Dane Cook fan. He is absolutely hilarious comedian and the entire world needs to be introduced to his humor. He has a new double disc CD and DVD coming out at the end of July called Retaliation. I have found a movie trailer that he is going to be in called Waiting. It looks like a freaking riot and it stars Ryan Reynolds from Van Wilder. I think that Dane is going to steal the show as the cook Floyd. Just thought everyone would like to know.

We're taking bets that hot foot won't get you married...

Now a lot of people have great stories about getting engaged. Most of them are romantic or involve some idiot proposing at a sporting event. (Is there any woman on earth who thinks this is really romantic?) Well the now is a new way to propose to your significant other... SETTING YOURSELF ON FIRE!!! Are you kidding me? There is more than a fire in his loins for this women. This had a chance to be an incredibly tragic incident and he is lucky that now the only pain he will receive is nagging from his wife. (Ladies don't be mad that last line was just a joke.)

We're taking bets that a war is coming...

So I went to see War of the Worlds last night. It seems like everytime we encounter aliens in movies these days they are always hostile towards us. What happened to friendly aliens? I mean ET loved Reese's Pieces, making bikes fly and saying "Eliot" in a creepy voice. ET made Reese's Pieces cool to eat. He was wonderful. Even "The Last Starfighter" had friendly aliens. There has to be other good in the universe. Can't we all just get along.

WTBT Volume 20...

We're taking bets that...

* there is only the game no matter what you might think or try.
* NYC never had a chance at the 2012 Olympics.
* Amos Lee may be one of the new great singers. Check him out.
* Keith Foulke is getting what he deserves after his Burger King comments.
* Jessica Alba will make Fantastic Four worth watching.
* Manny Rameriz will pass Lou Gehrig for most Grand Slams ever before he is through with his career as a Red Sox.
* this headline should scare women everywhere.
* there sure are some fun sports in Europe.
* the littlest Brady Bunch child is making life miserable around the Gulf of Mexico.
* Ray Allen is making a mistake re-signing with the Sonics.
* Live 8 was a great concert, but the reunion of Pink Floyd was a little disappointing.
* Milwaukee's Carlos Lee will run away with the Home Run Derby this year.
* you may not realize it but you can't help but like Gwen Stefani.
* Lance Armstrong may win the Tour de France by his biggest margin ever this year.
* MTV's Real World may have crossed the line with this cast and I am a diehard fan.
* you did not know there was an American Association of Nude Recreation.

We're taking bets that we may need to say good-bye to Today...

Everyone is always looking for the next great hope. Just about every year a fresh faced NBA rookie is dubbed the next Michael Jordan. George Steinbrenner just announced who his successor will be. For years the movie studios have been looking for the next Julia Roberts(my money is on Rachel McAdams). Well now it is happening to the beloved Katie Couric. People are speculating that Alexis Glick will take over for her once her contract is up with NBC. Now she definitely fits the bill as she is quite fetching(ya I said it), but it more of that girl next door beauty. She is definitely smart being a Wall Street genius, but no one can replace Katie. We are all our own individuals. I don't want someone to be the next Greg Madrid(99.9% of the world doesn't want that either) and you shouldn't want someone to become the next you. So stop looking for the next "insert celebrity here" and start getting a life.

We're taking bets that Hottie of the Week...

Hottie of the Week: The Statue of Liberty. She's a little old, but she is all that. Very tall and strong symbolizing everything that is good about America. The only issue is she has let a lot of people see under her dress. :) HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!!





















PS I had to have some random lady in a flag bikini. :)

We're taking bets that it is Friday question time...

Hey Everybody!!! I hope that you have a great Fourth of July. Here are a couple of quick questions for the weekend. Have fun with them.

A. What is your favorite summer movie of all time?

B. Now that Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are married what are some other celebrity marriages you would like to see?

C. What do you find distracts you the most when you are trying to concentrate?

Answers

A. One Crazy Summer with John Cusak and Demi Moore. I mean you don't get much better than that. It is wacky wild Kool-Aid Style.

B. I would like to see the marriage of Jennifer Love Hewitt and Gary Coleman. Wouldn't they make a great couple. Also Lewis Black and Courtney Love because he needs something to make him a little more crazy.

C. For me I think it is the fact that there are usually other people around and I like to people watch. Luckily I can quiet the voices in my head. :)