We're taking bets the PDA can get a little gross...

I am all for loving our fellow human beings. Male/Female, Male/Male, Female/Female - It doesn't really matter to me. If you are walking down the street hold hands all you want. If you are saying goodbye a simple quick kiss goodbye is perfectly fine. Even if you are at the airport and your significant other, who you haven't seen in weeks, gets off the plane have a passionate kiss. I have no problems with these PDAs. No one should. But there is a freaking limit.

When you are at a college dining hall and you both are going to the deli you do not have to be attached at the hip. Let go of each others hand and just freaking walk!!! I mean come on. When you are standing in front of an elevator do not make out in front of me!!! These are simple rules of being in public. You should not be trying to make a porn DVD in front of me. Porn is free on the internet. We do not need to see it in public. Could you please... Is it possible... with sugar on top... don't gross me out in public?

I don't know if I am being bitter because I am currently single or because I have just seen way too many gross PDAs this year. If you must be attached to your partner at all times then seek out a counselor for those issues. If you can't find some private space to do some sloppy kissing and groping go into a stairwell or find a closet. I think I speak for just about everyone I know when I say "JUST GET OUT OF MY EYESIGHT WHEN YOU NEED TO EXCESSIVELY SHOW PDA." Maybe Hallmark should make a card:

Roses are Red

Violets Are Blue

Your kissing is Gross

Get out of my View.

Seek out a Room

Find a Closet

Your Groping is Disgusting

I'm going to Lose it.

Robert Frost was a poet

Haley is a comet

Please stop now

I'm going to Vomit.

It would have a picture of two people slobbering over each other in a circle with a line through it on the inside. It doesn't matter if you are pretty people or ugly people it just needs to stop. Though it is definitely more disgusting when it is Big Foot and Medusa playing tonsil hockey. Maybe I just don't appreciate affection. Please comment and tell me I am not crazy to think this way.

Music Contest #2 Answers and Winners

We had 5 entries to the music contest. There was a tie at the top. Beth Willis and Kevin Gentile both got 81% right. Congratulations on your achievement!!! The will be getting a yellow Support our troops magnet. :) Bonnie Maitland came in second with 63% and she won a dinosaur ruller. Thank you to Scott Tomestic and Pascha McTyson for your entries. I am sure next time you will do better. I also apologize as there was 16 entries this time instead of 15. Next time it will be back to 15. It will also be an all 80's Contest. I hope you are enjoying this column. Here are the answers:

1. Ace of Base - The Sign
2. David Bowie - Fame
3. Huey Lewis and the News - If this is it
4. Peter, Paul & Mary - Puff the Magic Dragon
5. Temple of the Dog - Hunger Strike
6. Snoop Dogg - Gin & Juice
7. Modest Mouse
8. Grateful Dead - Touch of Grey
9. Olivia Newton John - Magic
10. Dixie Chicks - Goodbye Earl
11. Roy Orbison - Pretty Woman
12. Outkast - Mrs. Jackson
13. Hall & Oates - Private Eyes
14. Destiny's Child - Bills Bills Bills
15. Kid Rock - Bawitdaba
16. Monkees - Last Train to Clarksville

MOVIE CONTEST IS COMING ON SUNDAY!!!

We're taking bets that no one knows what to do when they enter an elevator...

Picture it Sicily 1935. No seriously think about this scenario. What do you do?

The elevator doors open. It is crowded but there is space. You have waited a long time. You get into the elevator. Do you....?

A) Say hello to everyone. Turn to the front and stare at the numbers as they go down or up.
B) Ignore everyone. Try not to touch people and stare at the door.
C) Smile at people. Make eye contact with people but don't stare.
D) Stay facing the back. Make jokes about the elevator crashing into a fiery abyss. Have an evil laugh as you get off.

There are no real rules to the elevators. I think the only real rule is do not jump up and down because you will probably break the elevator. Even that doesn't stop people from doing it. I would like to make a book of elevator etiquette. Please submit in the comments section rules that you would like included. Once I get 50 good rules I will make a book and bind it. Then I will pass it out so that everyone will now now the elevator rules.

We're taking bets that there is something funny to be said here

Do you think you can beat my caption?


I told you living in a rock would protect us from the Hurricanes.
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WTBT Volume 7

We're taking bets that...

* it is really funny that Sinead O'Connor had to take a newspaper ad out to try and get people to stop heckling her.
* David Ortiz of the Boston Red Sox really does look like Shrek.
* hearing about the latest hurricane is just as tiring for you as it is for residents of Florida.
* it is time for Roy "Got my Ass Handed to Me" Jones Jr. to retire from boxing.
* if you like naked yoga out in a crowd area go to San Francisco.
* the Indianapolis Colts have an absolutely sick offense. Too bad they have a really sick defense as well.
* you cannot give a lapdance back if you find out you don't have the money to pay for it.
* the word "suck" makes people more upset than most swear words.
* beheadings are not fun.
* Curt Schilling is the Red Sox best hope to win the World Series.
* George W. Bush and John Kerry are too concerned with military records and not issues.
* USC should have lost to Stanford.
* you are so looking forward to Halloween this year.
* the Jacksonville Jaguars are the luckiest team in the NFL.
* First Daughter only has one redeeming quality. Katie Holmes
* there is absolutely no question that Barry Bonds is the best baseball player of last 50 years.
* CSI maybe one of the best TV shows, but when they decide to kill one of their own they wussed out with a random shooting. Couldn't he have been killed by monkeys or accidentally eaten a poisonous bug?
* Ichiro isn't concerned with winning but rather personal success.
* Shaun of the Dead is worth the $9.
* there might be nothing better in baseball(aside from the Red Sox winning the World Series) than a Red Sox/Yankee playoff series.
* college administrators can take rules to the extreme sometimes. Stripper Pole
* it was really weird seeing Hayden Christensen at the end of Return of the Jedi.
* Tyler Hamilton is being wrongly accused in his Olympic bicycling scandal.
* it will anger you if Usher gets his wish and does an R&B movie just like 8 Mile.
* the Kansas City Chiefs will make the Playoffs.
* every time you hear the Volkswagon commercial where the blond guy starts screaming you laugh.
* "Bye Weeks" in football suck when your team is having one.
* you should not cash checks that are sent to you by accident. Evil Check Casher
* people are way too shocked about 'Sex and the City''s Miranda dating a woman in real life.
* this may be the best baseball playoffs ever.

We're taking bets that driving courtesy is rare...

So I was driving through the City of Nashua, NH and the City of Lowell, MA today and I realized that driving courtesy is very rare. People don't want to let you in no matter how long it looks like you have been patiently waiting. I think that you could sometime sit in traffic for a hour with your blinker on and no one would care enough to let you in. Additionally, the guy behind you would be pissed because you haven't turned off your blinker and is wondering if you are ever going to turn.

Today I was in a situation 5 times where I needed some assistance to turn into a parking lot or onto a main road from a parking lot. Only twice was I given the wave across. The other three times I felt like I was going to die if I wasn't just perfect in my pulling out. Dale Earnhardt Jr. would have been proud of me. It did make me feel pretty proud of my driving skills, but should it feel like I am the Millenium Falcon trying to navigate an asteroid field without any help from Chewbacca? Absolutely not. (Sorry I have been watching the Star Wars DVD's a lot.)

When one lady and an elderly couple let me in I gave them a huge wave and the biggest smile I could. The lady then gave me a wave back, which totally threw me off guard. She was extra nice. Which led me to think "Maybe she got laid today." (That was one of my student's reason for their coach being nice to him yesterday.) Anyway, I think that my day is now better because of that lady. I might even let someone in the next time I see someone struggling to merge with traffic. We are all way too angry about things and our cars should be a haven for stress relief and speed. Give someone a wave and let them in. Please be nice to your fellow drivers because maybe it will stop road rage. At the very least being nice may help you get laid today. :)

We're taking bets that Billy the Kid is dead...

So in case anyone was wondering the case of Billy the Kid was finally closed. Now many of you may be wondering, "didn't he die in 1881?" Well the answer now is officially yes. Three sheriffs in New Mexico wanted to find out if Billy the Kid was officially killed by Sheriff Pat Garrett or if he eluded him using a move that porpoises against sharks. (That joke stolen from Dane Cook.

Now I know that the government wastes money. We send billion dollars mini-Range Rovers to Mars; they crash land and no one really bats an eye. Do we have to spend a ton of money exhuming a guy who definitely is dead? I know that he may not have died by the hands of Pat Garrett, but doesn' t that make him more interesting? Not everyone of us will become a legend or a mythical figure. Though I do think that the Legend of Greg Madrid would be a real cool thing I am pretty sure it is not going to happen. Maybe if I can get my best friend Ian to pull a Thelma and Louise with me it would happen. (No I would not sleep with Brad Pitt, but Ian might.) :) I could get a cool name like Greg the Gentle. I could be referred to as just "The Gentle". I am on a tangent though; let me get back on track.

The sheriffs ultimately want to get Billy a posthumous pardon by the governor. The Kid's lawyers think that digging him up would help their case. Yes a dead guy has a lawyer that was appointed by the State. Do you really think that he's got a shot of getting good representation or will they plea bargain him out to time served?

So you can see the ridiculousness. I understand having a passion for something but how about the living or the recently dead. At least from the last 30 years. I think enough time has passed to say that the 19th Century is officially over. Though I really think "The War of 1812" was a hoax put on by the media. Let me call my lawyer to find out if we can sue someone.

WTBT Monthly Music Contest #2

This monthly column will test how well you know your music. I will include 15 music lines below. You need to name the title of the song and artist who sang it. Some of them will be easy and some will be difficult. They will rang from the 50's to today and from any type of music. E-mail me your answers to Gregory_Madrid@uml.edu. I will declare a winner on Wednesday morning. The top 3 people will win a special prize that I will mail to you. It doesn't matter if you don't know them all to at least give it a try. I will also post all of the answers in the comments section on Wednesday evening. Have fun.

We're taking bets that...

* Life is demanding without understanding
* it’s just the flameThat burns your change to keep you insane
* You’ve been thinkingAnd I’ve been drinking
* Noble kings and princes would bow whene’er they came (Original Artist)
* I don’t mind stealing bread
* You got to get yours but fool I gotta get mine
* It was worth it just to learn from sleight-of-hand
* I see you’ve got your list out, say your piece and kiss off.
* Don't let your aim ever stray and if all your hopes survive your destiny will arrive
* he was a missing person who nobody missed at all
* I’ll treat you righ come with me baby be mine tonight
* I am for real never meant to make your daughter cry
* You play with words you play with love
* I need someone to help me outInstead of a scrub like you
* I said it’s all good and it’s all in fun so get in the pit and try to love someone
* We’ll have time for coffee flavored kisses and a bit of conversation.

PS - You should try to not use GOOGLE or another search engine. I won't know the truth, but the guilt should get to you. :)

We're taking bets that "The Wave" can give us hope...

This evening I watched the Boston Red Sox beat the Baltimore Orioles 7-6 in 12 innings. It was an amazing game with a ton of ups and downs. The home team won it and we left happy. The best thing is that I walked away from the game feeling a little better about humanity.

Just about everyday in the United States there is some sort of sporting event. During that sporting event someone starts a WAVE. If you have never experienced it first hand you are missing one of the truly amazing human feats. It starts in one section of the stadium or arena. Everyone in the section stands in their seats and they raise their hands. The other sections see this and follow suit. It goes in order and you do not stand up until the section before you has gone. When you watch it you get the sensation that a wave is washing over the crowd. It can be an awesome event to watch. It usually last for about 2 or 3 minutes.

What is most amazing is that it doesn't matter who you are rooting for or whether you like anyone around you once the WAVE comes you stand up. People have trouble getting together to vote, but every night at least 30,000 people can put a WAVE together. Normally it starts with one person(often drunk) who yells and waves his hand frantically. Then he or she screams "ONE!! TWO!! THREE!!" and everyone just knows what to do. It may take 3 or 4 tries to get it started but the it takes a life of its own. How this happens when normally we could care less about our fellow man and doing something together is astonishing.

Thankfully we can work together as a team. Human Beings bound by making a WAVE. It always brings a smile to faces as well. There isn't much else that can illicit this time of a response every time it happens.

Here are some facts that I was able to dig up about WAVES:

- Gained ground with U.S. fans in the early 1980s.
- Soccer fans in Mexico first embraced it during the 1986 World Cup.
- The Oakland A's say the wave's first MLB appearance was at their game on October 15, 1981.
- It usually rolls in a clockwise direction at a rate of about 20 seats per second.

I know that the WAVE can get annoying. Especially when it happens during a critical part of the game, but deep down everyone really likes it. I am glad that the WAVE can give me a little more hope in humanity! Work together... Make a WAVE!!! :) If you have a story about WAVES please share them in the comment section.

We're taking bets that these beheadings are freaking messed up...

*BEWARE OF THIS BLOG I WILL BE SWEARING AND SERIOUS*

HOLY SHIT!!! I know that I can barely grasp what things are like in Iraq, but resorting to beheadings. This was common place in France with Marie Antoinette and the guillotine, but in 2004! We have had hostage situations for a long time. Jimmy Carter and Jesse Jackson actually both have been lauded with there work getting hostages released. Many hostages have died, but until recently none that I know of have been beheaded.

Maybe George Lucas is to blame. When Mace Windu beheaded Jango Fett in Attack of the Clones it could have started a trend. It also could have been The Sopranos with Tony chopping off Richie's head after he killed him. But what the Fuck!?!

Part of me wishes this was the 70's or 80's and we didn't have access to this information as readily. At least it wouldn't be on every website and on all of the news stations continuously. I don't want to hear Wolf Blitzer's commentary or Tom Brokaw be completely disgusted by it. I want Walter Cronkite to tell me "that's the way it is, " and be done with it.

Terrorism is obviously scary, but these guys are taking it to new levels. The Multimedia Age has them filming it and showing it to the world. That movie 15 Minutes was completely fucked up but this takes the proverbial fucking cake. Video taping the torture and beheadings to show to the media and all of your Terrorist parties.

PARENTS OF THE WORLD PLEASE DO NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN SEE ANY OF THIS. I don't care who you hate; this is not right!!! Starve them, give them tattoos of Sadaam or Osama, put them through the spank machine, but no more beheadings. Cruelty can come in many forms and I hope that we aren't that cruel in the US. I may be very naive and just not know, but please tell me it is not this way here.

Maybe the guy on the street with the sign is finally right. The End of the World is Near! Let's hope not, but be afraid. Let's teach our children something different. Remember the immortal words of Billy Davis. Coca Cola's version of the Best Song Ever !

We're taking bets that it is time to talk Star Wars...

Well the day has almost arrived. The one day this year that can make me and millions of guys from the ages 18 to 50 as excited as when the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue comes out. Yes, that day is almost here. The day that the Star Wars Trilogy comes out on DVD!!! Tuesday September 21st, 2004 will easily be a day that rivals Christmas Eve in terms of DVD sales.

Thousands of people have made fun of Star Wars Nerds. Triumph the Insult Comic Dog was probably the funniest. (STAR WARS NERDS) I am not going to even try to make fun of these people because I love Star Wars too. Not enough to dress up for one of the movies, but deep down I wanted to be Luke Skywalker or Han Solo.

If you don't remember anything about Star Wars let me give you some highlights of the three movies.

Star Wars
* Little Starship getting enveloped by ENORMOUS Starship. Very cool. Never scene before in any movie. Almost not topped in any movie beginning ever.
* Darth Vader enters. Perhaps the coolest bad guy ever imagined. Big, Strong and the deepest voice possible. Try to find a better villian.
* Luke finding his Uncle and Aunt fried to death. Really gross actually, but sets the movie moving forward.
* Death Vader using the death grip on the smarmy Imperial Guy. You don't know how many times I wished I could do that. In meetings, with dumb people, just for fun. The possibilities are endless.
* Obi-Wan uses the force for the first time in the SandSpeeder on the StormTrooper. Try those lines with a cop; I bet it gets you arrested.
* Obi-Wan uses his lightsaber for the first time. Awesome. Killing one of the ugliest and stupidest characters of Star Wars Lore (Jar Jar Binks is the stupidest.)
* The Millenium Falcon. Nuff Said.
* Luke seeing Leia for the first time. Admit it Carrie Fisher was kind of hot. What happened I don't know, but I think it was booze and drugs.
* Obi-Wan seeing Luke then getting killed by Darth Vader. Let me hold back the tears.
* "STAY ON TARGET" One of the greatest lines in the movie. Used to death my billions since especially while driving on the highway.
* The Death Star blowing up. What a great ending. The Rebels have won and the Empire is defeated. NOT QUITE!

Empire Strikes Back
* Hands down the best movie of the series. Cool Locations - Great Fights - Drama - Laughter - Tears. Should make everyones Top Ten All-Time Movies.
* Leia kissing Luke. Real Funny. Gross now, but funny at the time.
* Yoda appears and is the coolest puppet ever. If a puppet could be bad ass he would be on top of the list.
* The first appearance of Boba Fett. His armor was kick ass. One of the few people that you think could actually make it out of Compton even wearing that outfit. Too bad he died like a punk.
* Lando Calrissian appears and everyone wonders if they sell Colt 45 in space.
* Vader and Luke fighting for the first time. Excellent fight scene. Luke is totally overmatched.
* Han getting frozen in carbonite. Here come the tears. Stupid Lando.
* He's what? No sir? No way!!! HIS FATHER? The only thing that would have been more surprising would be that Vader was also his mom.
* Cliffhanger ending. What the heck is going to happen next?!?

Return of the Jedi

* Jabba the Hutt is the probably the grossest villian ever. He is not only gross, but he died in one of the coolest ways by being strangled by a half-naked Princess Leia.
* Seeing Princess Leia in a whole new light. Who new she had boobs?
* The Sarlaac Pit. Is there a more evil way to die?
* Boba Fett dying by stupidity. Worst Death ever in any movie.
* Meeting the ewoks on Endor. Aren't they just the cutest?
* That weird guy on the Millenium Falcon. Did he even have a name?
* Absolute bawling when the ewok died and his friend tried to wake him up. It is making me teary even now.
* Finding out Leia is Luke's twin sister. This was almost as shocking as the Dad thing, but don't you think that Maury Povich would have had an intergalactic special reuniting them someday anyway.
* The Celebration Ewok Song. Yubba Dub Dub. I could hear that every night and it doesn't get old.

So many memories. So little time. AHHHHH it's 11:15 I have to get in line for my copy. Hopefully I will run into some of those STAR WARS NERDS!!!!

WTBT Volume Six

We're taking bets that...

* Britney Spears will be divorced before J. Lo marries again. Oops J. Lo isn't divorced yet. Oh well I still think this is true.
* the Miami Dolphins better be very scared of their meeting with the Patriots because it will probably be for 18 wins in a row.
* even dogs don't want to watch hockey. Dog Hates Hockey
* Europeans are laughing at the pitiful performance of the US Ryder Cup team.
* Macaulay Culkin police mugshot Saturday for marijuana possession looked a little like this. MugShot
* the big series between the Yankees & Red Sox fizzled after Friday night.
* it doesn't make much sense that Hugh Heffner was the first inducted into the Erotic Hall of Fame since it should be named after him.
* placekickers in college football are becoming too much a part of the game when they keep missing routine extra points.
* Joe Gibbs couldn't keep the luck going when his Redskins gave up 7 TO's to the NY Giants.
* Ivan is the best name we have had for a horrible hurricane. I mean Ivan the Terrible. I think the next one should be Hagar the Horrible.
* the polls will mean nothing until the Presidential election is over on November 2nd.
* after not catching a pass for the first time in 274 games it is time for Jerry Rice to retire. That is an incredible streak.
* in the rare case an erection last more than four hours you should seek medical help immediately.
* 700 is only the beginning for Barry Bonds.
* if Gary Payton doesn't show up for training camp Danny Ainge should say "F&$* HIM!!!"
* the Emmys are the second most boring awards show next to the Tony's.
* if you don't get to Cushing Field soon you are going to miss the best field hockey team UML has ever seen.
* Laurence Olivier should never have been CGI'd into a villian in Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow.
* if professional hockey does ever come back Joe Thorton will finally become the megasuperstar that all of Boston wants him to be.
* no one is crying that Martha Stewart will be losing her $75,000 a month salary once she enters jail.
* you don't quite understand the NASCAR points system, but this new Championship Series makes it a little more exciting.
* because of the nine different drugs Rick James had in his system when he died I am pretty sure he sat up on the coroner's table and said, "I'm Rick James BITCH!!!"
* Johan Santana will beat out Curt Schilling for the CY Young Award in the American League.
* not to be outdone by other former child stars Edward Furlong got drunk and took lobsters out of a tank in the supermarket. As he was arrested he was quoted as saying, "I'll be back."
* I'd like to buy the world a Coke in memory of songwriter Billy Davis.
* if you didn't see ESPN's fake trial of which team is more cursed the Cubbies or the Red Sox you missed some riveting TV.
* the greatest find of 2004 may be a lost Jimi Hendrix concert from 1969.
* Oscar De La Hoya should stop boxing after the beating he took from Bernard Hopkins.
* Lowell City Manager John Cox and City Project Manager Ed Souza may have pulled off the biggest heist since the Lindbergh baby by reducing the new school's classrooms by 3 to save some money.
* it is sad that Dan Orlovsky of the UCONN Huskies won't be considered for the Heisman trophy, but he should.
* CSI starts this Thursday and you should be glued to your TV for it.

We're taking bets that Colorado Colleges & Universities make you shake your head...

Colorado Colleges and Universities have had a tough year with doing the right thing. Colorado State University (CSU) had a student die a few days ago at a fraternity house and full out riots in August after police came down on parties. Rioting that was so bad that the Lt. Gov. started a task force to investigate the drinking abuses on its college campuses. (I would volunteer to go undercover if needed.) Well in an effort to connect with students CSU has decided to provide beer at its football games with a higher alcohol content than before. Now that isn't the real reason it is just as one newspaper stated "tragic timing." The increase was almost double from 3.2% to 6%. I bet you are wondering how much does my favorite beer have? Well on average the most popular beers have between 4.5% to 5.25%. (Alcohol Content Levels) 6% seems a little high even though every beer probably costs around $8 to $10 like it does in the Fleet Center or Gillette Stadium. But this is just an on going thing in Colorado. The largest school in the state has been just as bad.

University of Colorado(U of C) football team has been in chaos since a sexual and drinking scandal has surfaced. Coach Gary Barnett was suspended pending an investigation to see "whether there's a culture that promotes excessive drinking." That quote was by U of C's president Elizabeth Hoffman. Now I know that College and University Administrations are usually a little bit out of touch with the student population, but come on!! Football has always had a culture that promotes excessive drinking from High School to Professional. I am one of the first people to crack open a beer while watching a football game so of course it is part of the culture.

President Betsy reinstated Coach Beer Pong three months later saying, “(U of C) must have an athletic culture that is consistent with the values of this university and is supportive of women as athletes, as fellow students and as employees.” If this doesn't warrant a "DUH" I don't know what does. Athletes are no better than any students and should be treated the same exact way. If you spoke to most student-athletes you would find out that is all they want.

Colleges and Universities of Colorado are consistently in the Top 20 of Princeton Reviews top Party Schools. U of C, CSU & Colorado College (where they excel in Reefer Madness) are all on the list. ( Party Schools) I wish I had some explainations for the stupidity out there. The altitude would seem to make the most sense, but I don't hear much about these problems in Kenya. It's time to get off my soapbox besides I need to get to bed. The NFL is on tomorrow and I have a ton of drinking to do. :)

We're taking bets that a regular phone ring is a thing of the past...

Dum Dum Dum Dum
Dum Dum Dum Dum

That is what phones have become. Just about everyone on the planet has a cell phone. Many people no longer have home phones. You can find anyone anywhere at any time you need. Now all of those things are just a part of technology advancing us along. Like getting rid of the rotary phone. But what about the stupid ring tones. This is an issue that will never get better and probably only get worse.

"Your phone is ringing." No actually that is not the truth. "Your phone is playing an annoying Britney Spears Song." or "Your phone is telling us that the circus is in town." What happened to the ring? Has it really gone? Is it really that cool to play the latest song from New Found Glory or Avril Lavigne? It is annoying enough when a phone rings during a meeting, but does it have to play "Butterfly" by Mariah Carey?

Why is it that the person with perhaps the most annoying song can never get to their phone quickly? Now I have "It's a Small World" stuck in my head for the rest of the day because you have a dumb ring and you are slow. I say we bring back the days when there was only 3 or 4 rings and they were not too different from each other. Life was simple. Meetings were only interrupted for emergencies. We were productive human beings not robots on phones. Remember that Sesame Street episode where the 2 aliens came down and mimiced the phone ringing. They can't do that now. It just wouldn't make sense. It should be Brrrrrring, Brrrrrring not Baum Chicka Bow Wow. It is crazy. Uh Oh "I'm Too Sexy" is playing. Time to answer my office phone. :)

We're taking bets that sportsmanship is a lost art...

You may or may not have heard about the incident that happened in Oakland yesterday. If you haven't here is a quick recap. The saintly Oakland A's fans were mercilessly taunting the Texas Ranger bullpen and Frank Francisco freaked out. He threw a chair into the stands that hit one guy and knocked another lady off of the temple. There was a lot of bleeding and a 19 minute melee ensued. Freaking-out Frank was arrested and charged with assault. The taunting Oakland fans claimed innocence and put back on their halos.

Now I wonder who is to blame. Since it was Oakland and they have perhaps the worst fans on the entire planet (English Soccer fans excluded) there is absolutely no way they were innocent. Frank had to have heard something to piss him off. Here is a couple of examples of what I think was said...

"Hey Frank!!! Your Mom!!!"
"Frankie... The Frankenator... Frankarama... Beans and Frank... Frank"
"You throw like a girl!"
"You Suck"

Any of those statements would definitely have warranted the throwing of a chair or at least sticking your tongue out at someone. What Frank did not realize that his best comeback would have been... "I'm rubber and you're glue. What you say bounces off me and sticks to you." I think the time has come for people to only yell out good and encouraging things. Here is a couple more examples...

"Derek Jeter, although I hate you because you are a Yankee you really dress nice."
"Error smerror (insert favorite player's name) at least you are not a Yankee."
"Don't give up batting .150 isn't like batting .000"
"I love you. You love me. Let's hang a Yankee from a tree."

Each one of those are encouraging and good. They bring happiness to the world. Sportsmanship is really about three things.

1) Cheering for your team
2) Not taunting the opponent
3) Hating everything about the Yankees.

As I end this column I am going to nominate someone for the Sportsmanship Hall of Fame. Randomly over the next year I will be doing this. Hopefully it won't happen often, but we all know it will.

SPORTSMANSHIP HALL OF FAME

The entire organization of the Indianapolis Colts: For repeatedly saying after they lost to the New England Patriots that the best team didn't win. They have not beaten the Patriots in their last three attempts, therefore they are not the best team. Give the team that beat you their due. You lost because well the better team beat you. :)

WTBT Movie Winners

Here are the answers to the movie contest. Sorry it was so hard for some of you.

1. Anchorman - Will Farrell
2. Fight Club - Ed Norton
3. About Last Night - John Belushi
4. Dead Poets Society - Robert Sean Leonard
5. Deer Hunter - Chuck Aspegren
6. Rainman - Dustin Hoffman
7. Wayne's World - Mike Myers, Alice Cooper & Pete
8. Wizard of Oz - Judy Garland
9. Night of the Living Dead - Unknown Actor
10. Eurotrip - Travis Webster & Jacob Pitts
11. European Vacation - Chevy Chase
12. Ghostbusters 2 - Bill Murray
13. Godfather 2 - Al Pacino
14. Krull - David Battley
15. Back to the Future - Crispin Glover

Congrats to Rosie Lankowski for getting the most right and being the only one to submit them. She will get a nice set of shiny pencils. :)

We're taking bets that you can't beat my caption...

Try and beat this caption. Put your attempts in the comments section. The one that makes me laugh the hardest will win a prize. :)


What do you mean I can't put the sauce on with my mouth?

Posted by Hello

WTBT Volume 5

We're taking bets that...

* blogging is the hip thing to do.
* this is going to be a fantastic football season.
* there are not too many things creepier than an adult talking to a cat like it is a 4 month old baby.
* the best way to avoid arrest is for the paddywagon to be full. :)
* Andy Roddick may be hot, but that wasn't good enough in this years US Open.
* Donald Trump has officially passed the line of egomaniac and gone right into Freakazoid.
* the Hockey World Championships are going right now and no one except Canadians and Scandanavians care.
* people might think that living is Compton is scary, but I would live there in a second over anywhere in Israel right now.
* the Miami Dolphins will have a hard time winning one game this season.
* this may be one of the worse times for new movies.
* it is great that Clyde Drexler of Phi Slamma Jamma made the Basketball Hall of Fame.
* Carson Palmer is the real thing and the Bengals might actually make the playoffs this year.
* it is maddening that Barry Manilow sang, but did not write "I Write the Songs."
* the next two weekends will be the most exciting baseball has seen in a decade.
* the Star Wars DVD should be on everyone's purchase list for next week. Remember, although I refuse to acknowledge it I have a birthday coming up. Hint Hint Hint!!!
* Joe Gibbs may be the best coach ever in the history of the NFL.
* only Utah could pass a law that prohibits Santa Claus from flying over their airspace on Christmas Eve.
* getting up to go to the gym is a lot harder than it sounds.
* you have never seen anything as crazy in football as the last :03 seconds of the first half of the Broncos/Chiefs game.
* it is about time for Florida to catch a break and not have another hurricane ravish it.
* Pat Summerall should retire and not be announcing Sunday Night Football on ESPN.
* fark.com is a fantastic website.
* it is very easy to become obsessed with Fantasy Football.
* Ichiro will probably break George Sisler's hit record, but it is a damn shame.
* making up your own captions to newspaper photos is a lot more fun than reading the ones they came up with.
* UML Mens Soccer could bring UML its first National Championship since 1988.
* everyone should read the story of ex-Lowell Spinner Abe Alvarez. Gangbanger? Try Modest Abe.
* no matter what you think if you were damned if you did then you were definitely damned if you didn't.
* Notre Dame does have actually have God on their side; especially after beating Michigan this weekend.
* there is nothing like being at a live football game with 35,000+ fans.
* you don't know where this movie line is from... "To a cop the explanation's always simple. There's no mystery to the street, no arch criminal behind it all. If you find a body and you think his brother did it, you're gonna find out you're right."
* the cast of Happy Days never needed to have a reunion, but alas they will.
* Manny Rameriz is the best player in the AL and only Barry Bonds is a better hitter in all of baseball.

We're taking bets that the support our troops ribbons on cars are just too much...

Of course this may be an improper topic for 9/11, but things may be getting out of hand. I support our troops as much as the next person, but I don't need to put a big bright yellow ribbon magnet on my car with words that no one can read unless they have crashed into me. Support our troops by attending rallys or not protesting GWB or going to one of the million 9/11 activities that will happen today.

We have all become driving billboards and it is time for it to stop. When you have something to say just say it!!! Stand on a freaking soapbox or rooftop and shout it out, but don't make my driving experience all about your issues. I don't care if your son or daughter is an honor student or if your child can beat up that other person's child. I probably can beat all of you up and not break a sweat. (I know a special martial arts called FUK U) We used to have a certain amount of I don't care what is going on in your lives, but now our cars tell everything about us. I now know if someone is a GWB supporter, vegan, Patriots fan, supports abortion and is a grandparent. The only thing that I have ever cared about in a car window is what colleges did you attend or hope to attend and do you have a parking sticker because if you don't I will get your car towed.

Am I less patriotic? Do I not care about the issues of the day because my car doesn't state every little thing that I am? Everyone can do whatever they freaking want to do on their property, but don't cause my ADHD self to crash my car because I am too busy reading what is on your bumper.

By the way if you really want to support the troops get your magnet here. stupid yellow magnet

We're taking bets that it doesn't get much better than this for New England Sports Fans...

Holy Mackerel!!! I always wanted to say that. So last night was the kickoff to the 2004 NFL Season and I am totally psyched!!! I am as giddy as a Star Trek geek meeting William Shatner. I mean all major sports are either starting or ending their seasons. There may not be a better time of year for sports. I challenge you to find one.

The New England Patriots won their 16 straight game over the poor Indianapolis Colts 27-24. It does not seem possible. Mike Vanderjagt(pronounced Van-der-jack) who is about as reliable as a bird pooping outside missed a game tying field goal with 20 seconds left. It doesn't get too much more exciting than that unless is was Adam Vinateri kicking a game winning field goal. (Which he would have made easily) Now the rest of the NFL has to try and top the most exciting game of the season. It may not happen, but I am sure looking forward to seeing if they can.

The Boston Red Sox lost last night and that is okay because the have won 20 of 22 games and are just looking to start another streak tonight. We are in the midst of two exciting playoff races in baseball. Next week the Yankee-Red Sox rivalry will go into full swing and make people forget about football for at least 3 hours. Then the playoffs start and the riots begin. (They was just a large gathering here in Lowell, but we like to call it a riot none the less.)

College Football is in full swing and I have tickets to see the UCONN Huskies play Duke tomorrow at Rentschler Field or the Wrench as I like to call it. UCONN will finally make college football exciting in New England. It may take about 3 or 4 more years, but they will consistently be going for the National Championship. Mark my words. (I always wanted to say that too.) Plus with USC, LSU and Oklahoma fighting it out for the national Championship this year it should be a great season. I also think now is the time to predict that Cal will win the National Championship. Crazy prediction I know, but I have a feeling.

Come early November College Basketball will start and we will get to see if UCONN can defend their titles. Oh yes I did say "titles" plural. The only person who has had that much success with two items at the same time is Ken Wahl(of TV's Wiseguy fame) with Playboy's Barbie Twins. Plus for us Lowellaputians we get to see if the UML Riverhawks can rebound from losing Division 2 National Player of the Year Elad Inbar. I think they can win the NE-10 again.

Now with the NBA, NHL (Maybe) and all college sports there is could not be a better time for sports. I love the fall. Ever year it puts me on the edge of my seat waiting to find out what is going to happen just like when I waited a few years to see what would happen to Han Solo after he was frozen. New England count your blessings because it doesn't get much better than this... UNTIL NEXT YEAR!!! :)

We're taking bets that the US wastes way too much money

Alright I know that this is an easy topic that is like shooting fish in a barrel, but after news of the Genesis probe falling to the ground I needed to make comment. The US spent $260 million on a space probe that plummeted to the Earth because its parachute did not open. You would think for $260 million we could get a parachute to open.

Heck, I spent $1.50 on one of those army guys that you throw in the air and his parachute opened. Do you think that toy manufacturers are more talented than NASA Engineers? At least they make a cheap reliable product. NASA could of at least spent that money on Alex Rodriguez to play shortstop for them for ten years. I mean that kind of spending money makes sense. Well no it doesn't but at least he should last for ten years and I bet his glove will open when the ball comes to him.

We have so much waste in the US regarding how we spend our money. We would rather pay $80 a ticket to watch NHL Hockey then give $1 to the homeless girl on the street who really needs the money. George Steinbrenner wastes more money on washed up ballplayers like Darryl Strawberry and Dwight Gooden than most of us will make in our lifetimes. Hell I even buy at least one DVD a week, but don't have enough money to pay attention. Could we at least think about how we are spending our money before we do it? $260 million on a space probe to find out the beginnings of our universe... does it really matter. Can't we spend $260 million on a way to get some of these stupid reality TV shows off the air?

Waste not want not. I don't know what the hell that means, but I think the US motto should now be Waste Everything Want Everything. Remember change starts with you and the next time you are going to waste your money buy the little army guy or a my little pony. They are much more fun and will always make you smile.

WTBT Movie Contest...

This is my movie contest. Here is an example "You had me hello." The answer is "Jerry Maguire" and Renee Zellweger This monthly column will test how well you know your movies. I will include 15 lines below. You need to name the movie and actor(s) who said it. Sometimes I will include the character's name(s) who said it. Some of them will be easy and some will be difficult. They will rang from the 50's to today and from any type of movie. E-mail me your answers to Gregory_Madrid@uml.edu by . I will declare a winner on Tuesday morning. The top 3 people will win a special prize that I will mail to you. I will also post all of the answers in the comments section on Tuesday evening. Remember you don't have to be perfect to win. Everyone has a shot. Have fun.

Good luck to everyone. Please comment if you like this column.

PS - You should try to not use GOOGLE or another search engine. I won't know the truth, but the guilt should get to you. :)

We're taking bets that...

* Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast!

* When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake.

* Bernie : Are you getting serious? Well, she seemed like a hell of a girl. From what little I saw of her. Not too this. Not too that. Very kind of, um, what?... Ah, what the fuck, I only saw her for a minute. First impressions of this kind can often be misleading. Does she give head?

* Neil : For the first time in my life, I know what I want to do! And for the first time, I'm going to DO IT! Whether my father wants me to or not! Carpe diem!

* You're so full of shit, you're gonna float away.

* Raymond: I'm an excellent driver. (THIS IS EASY!!!)

* - So, do you come to Milwaukee often?
- Well, I'm a regular visitor here, but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers began visiting here in the late 16th century.
- Hey, isn't "Milwaukee" an Indian name?
- Yes, Pete, it is. In fact , it's pronounced "mill-e-wah-que" which is Algonquin for "the good land."
- I was not aware of that.

* Where do you want to be oiled first?

* Kill the brain, and you kill the ghoul. (Original Movie - No actor needed)

* Jamie: Do you guys wanna see my itinerary? Cooper : Do you wanna see my balls?

* She queens. And she vacuums.

* Uh, perhaps you can help me? I'm looking for a love-potion aerosol, that I can spray on a certain Penthouse Pet, to obtain her total submission.

* I don't feel I have to wipe everybody out, Tom. Just my enemies.

* I am Ergo the magnificent. Short in stature, tall in power, narrow of purpose and wide of vision. And I do not travel with peasants and beggars. Goodbye!

* Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told me that if I didn't take Lorraine out that he'd melt my brain.

We're taking bets that I am hating the blog today...

THE BLOG IS EVIL TODAY AND NOT LETTING ME POST!!!!

We're taking bets that I am having blog trouble...

Alright so I have tried twice today to post and the blog has not let me. :( I will be trying again tomorrow. One quick statement about Kobe Bryant though... he may be the luckiest man in the world. He gets off of a criminal case, then gets the girl to agree to not let his statement admitting guilt be used against him in a civil trial. He must eat a lot of Lucky Charms.

We're taking bets that the blog messed up today...

Sorry for no post today. I typed a pretty long dissertation on the dismissal of the charges against Kobe Bryant. Unfortunately when I went to publish the post the screen went blank. So I will try again tomorrow.

We're taking bets that Kobe Bryant must be Irish...

Some people have all of the luck. Kobe Bryant is one of those people. The prosecution dropped their case against him after the woman said she would no longer testify. Colorado must be thrilled because it must of cost them millions in taxpayer money. It would of been a freaking circus. Everyone thought the OJ trial was crazy and that was before the media really knew how to deal with it. Now they are experts and can cover a trial from all angles without even breaking a sweat.

You might of read Kobe Bryant's statement after the dismissal, and I think he may finally get it. (if you haven't read it here it is... http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5890560/?GT1=5100) He will be now and forever a tainted individual to me. Which is an absolute shame because I am a Lakers fan. Does it make it okay to still be a Lakers fan? I mean the entire team did not do something wrong, just Kobe "Backdoor" Bryant. Kobe will probably become just as popular as he was in the past. It is nuts that sports can heal almost all wounds. No one will really care 4 to 5 years from now. While John Smith of Boise, ID will go to jail for the next 10 years of his life. Sports and Money are ultimate ways to be forgiven.

Sorry this wasn't all that funny, but some times taking bets just isn't that funny.